Regretful Morning

4 Ways To Fail At Getting Laid Via Dating Website

Posted July 9th, 2010 at 2:13 am by

Last week Ted from Standard Madness.com challenged me to a contest that I thought I was going to win.  Sadly, it’s not looking that way right now.

You see, Ted is from Romania and he thinks his country and his penis are the best things to happen since sliced bread.  I tried to explain that his country sucks and his women are hairy, but that only escalated into a dick measuring contest.

The Contest: We have to see who can get laid first using a dating website.

USA vs. Romania

  • Rule 1) Can’t use adult friend finder or craigslist
  • Rule 2) Can not buy a prostitute

Even though rule 2 destroyed a lot of my game, I was still confident I could win this.  After a few unsuccessful attempts I decided I would teach you exactly what NOT to say if you’re using a dating website for the sole purpose of getting laid.

Marriage Is For The Weak


The first girl stopped talking to me when I said this.  It was a joke but deep down I might actually feel this way.  My views on why today’s divorce rate is astronomical compared to that of 50 years ago were quickly ignored along with every other message I sent her after that.

I Like Sleeping Alone


Don’t ever tell a semi attractive Asian girl named Nicole that you you enjoy one night stands because “it gets the clingers out.”  Dick jokes and crude humor don’t get you anywhere in the cyber dating world.

Girls With Babies Only Want A Daddy


Don’t really like kids?  Don’t say it.  Just click on “undecided” when it comes to having them, but don’t exclude the single moms.  Just because they got a giant load fired in them during “a bad point in their life” doesn’t mean mean they should be excluded.  And even though she says her wild days are behind her, she still wants the old meat whistle, raw and dirty.  Sadly, they don’t really like it when you say “kids = baggage.”  I was kind of close on this one.

Inviting Someone Over For Drinks And A Movie Doesn’t Work


Inviting someone over you met on the internet is a lot different than inviting a hammered girl you met an hour earlier at your favorite bar.  A sober girl knows that drinks and a movie = Danger Zone.  Opening up with this line automatically puts the “I’m just an asshole looking to get laid” vibe out there.

Conclusion:  After one week of fail I could use some dating website pointers.  If your idea seems legit, I will try it.

EDIT: I won this game on 7/24/2010 – thanks everyone who sent me advice!

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22 Comments
  • whatthef
    July 9, 2010
    Reply


    #1

    obviously, what you do is lie. you lie and tell them how sweet they are and amazing and beautiful for like 2-3 days tops, some girls might only even need 2 days. earn a nanometer of their trust…then you swoop in for the kill.
    works on me everytime, 60% of time.
    and i’m a girl.

    • Ross
      July 9, 2010
      Reply


      #2

      Your sweet and amazing, wanna come over for drinks and a movie?

      • whatthef
        July 9, 2010
        Reply


        #3

        well, considering i fuck like a man, and don’t give a shit about all those pesky things like you know, morality, based off your really unsavoury behavior on here, and your penchant for objectifying ANYTHING and EVERYTHING with a twat and tits…
        yes, i’d fuck your brains out. you arent based in ny are you?

      • Jason
        July 9, 2010
        Reply


        #4

        Ross, get your own fucking website if you want to pick up sluts. This hoe is mine.

        • Gerri
          July 11, 2010
          Reply


          #5

          If only you weren’t so fucking gay.

    • Jason
      July 9, 2010
      Reply


      #6

      What website? Seems like I offend every single person I talk to on Plenty of Fish.

  • Jade
    July 9, 2010
    Reply


    #7

    You guys are idiots. You got to act interested while being slightly off putting, like yeah, your cool, but i don’t know. Make the girl want to prove herself to you. Don’t push it. But don’t like totally dis her either. Its a balance.

    • tate
      July 9, 2010
      Reply


      #8

      tits or gtfo lol

  • kell
    July 9, 2010
    Reply


    #9

    you are a pig. I would consider it if I didn’t think you would share my picture with your frat boy readers

    • lol no thx
      July 11, 2010
      Reply


      #10

      u prolly fat

      • bill
        July 12, 2010
        Reply


        #11

        Douchebag.

      • yyyyy?
        July 12, 2010
        Reply


        #12

        anytime a girl posts here you faggots scare them off

  • sk8_punx
    July 9, 2010
    Reply


    #13

    if you cant get laid on those thing your definatly fucking up. i wont go into what iv done but check this. my buddy got divorced. the day she told him she wanted one i said well lets get you some strange. got on POF and within 5 min hooked one. he was an idiot so i finesed it a bit and 1 hour later he was on his way to her place with half a cold pizza and a case of beer. shity beer of all things. withing 45 min he was back at my place with half the case of beer left saying good lord that was nasty shit but hit it anyways lol. just lower your standards!!

  • insanity wolf
    July 11, 2010
    Reply


    #14

    my advice: rape

  • gold digger
    July 12, 2010
    Reply


    #15

    just lie and tell them you make like 200k+ per year. Girls are dumb and love money.

  • buynowweb
    July 13, 2010
    Reply


    #16

    just lie and tell them you make like 200k+ per year. Girls are dumb and love money.

  • BadLuck7
    July 20, 2010
    Reply


    #17

    Its pretty easy actually first of all im going to start off by saying im good looking and also muscular, but even so when I first tried it I had no luck because I was doing what other losers do on there profile. Act like complete wussies/desperate. Until I realized its best to just apply what I would do when I normally do when I see an attractive girl in public and go and talk to her. Its simple. first things first is building a proper profile. on your profile say things that basically show how confident you are. for example one of my favorite status’ that I use is “sigh, are all the girls on here the same? zzz” Basically just like with all woman you just have to have the two most attractive personality traits Confidence + Funny. A big difference though from online and in person is that when your at the online stage DO NOT make sexual innuendos or any type of sex joke. not until you have the number and shes more comfortable with you. I’d tell you more but Im lazy.

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