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6 Ways To Get A Blowjob Without A Girl

With or without a girlfriend, receiving a BJ can be a difficult task. When you don’t have a girlfriend, your main goal is only to hook up. Thus, you usually won’t complain if your date gives you a quick tug job during a movie.

If you do in fact have a girlfriend, you’re still not in the clear. Although we’d all love to come home and say “man work f*cking sucked today, honey can I get a beej?” it doesn’t usually work that way.  Sure, a very small percentage of girlfriends are down to polish knob 7 days a week, but for the most part, they need to be lubed up with dinner and wine first.  And brace yourself, some girlfriends don’t go down at all.

Don’t trip chocolate chip, we’re going to show you how to get a “near BJ experience” using common household items.

Vacuum Cleaner


Most of the time, vacuum cleaners come with an assortment of extensions and adjustable power controls.  You’re going to want to use a clean extension, and a very low setting to start.  I suggest you practice on your hand a few times before you take the plunge.  Also, don’t fully submerge your junk into the vacuum.  If you don’t leave room for airflow, you will end up with injuries.  Side note: stay close to the off switch just in case.

Bottle of Moisturizer


Finding a bottle of moisturizer that fits you can be a difficult task.  When you do finally find a perfect fit, it will be like a match made in heaven.  Simply dip your stick into a half used bottle, and give it a few squeezes.  This causes suction, which will blow your mind and load all over the place.

Ham


Have a leftover ham in the fridge? Perfect!  First save the good pieces that you still want to eat, then pull the bone out of the ham.  Chances are, you’ve got some cranberry sauce laying around too – So go ahead and dump some into the hole where the bone was.  Toss everything into the microwave for 30 seconds.  Test the hole with your finger to make sure it isn’t too hot, drop your pants and let the magic happen.