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How To Bang a Girl Who Put You In The Friend Zone

Getting Friend Zoned or “FZ’d” is one of the worst things that can happen in the dating world, and probably one of the biggest fails mankind has ever faced.  Cake didn’t write a song called “Friend is a four letter word” because it sounded cool.  The FZ is serious business, and it has ruined lives.

So the million dollar question is this: Can you get out of the Friend Zone once you’ve been placed there?  The short answer is yes.  Unfortunately the odds aren’t in your favor.  A very wise Insanity Wolf once said the following:

500 years ago, this may have worked.  Sadly, law enforcement frowns upon this type of behavior.  Don’t trip chocolate chip, before you blow your emo brains all over your Taking Back Sunday poster, we’re going to drop some serious advice on you.

Ignore The Shit Out Of Her.

Getting a text?  Don’t reply.  She calling you again?  Don’t answer, you’re not a shoulder to cry on.  You want to put your penis in her vagina, and if she’s not calling to setup an appointment with your meat whistle, then you’ve got other shit to do.  The sad truth is, if she texts you right now, you’ll probably write her back.  If you really want to get out of the FZ, you need to start with this step.

Ask Her For Advice

Asking a female for advice about another girl is golden.  Don’t sound like  a pussy, but throw her a story about how some new chick you really like is coming to visit and you really want to impress her etc etc.  There is a 50% chance that this will end in “you can do so much better” or “she sounds like a bitch.”

Act Like You’re Banging Someone New

Next time she asks you to come over and talk about how men are assholes, kindly let her know that you have already made other plans.  When she asks who you made said plans with, shrug it off like it isn’t a big deal “Oh just some girl I met the other day.”  Her jealous rage will consume her.

Give Her Advice That Makes You Look Insensitive

Next time she asks you for relationship advice, you should act like a piece of shit.  Let me give you an example.

Q: Oh I don’t know what to do about Troy, he acts like such a jerk!

A: You should just let him bang you, lol.

This will show her that you don’t give two shits about her emotions/feelings.  Thus, making you more attractive in a “you make me wet even though you’re like a brother to me” type of way.

Conclusion: Before you say this doesn’t work, try it.  If you try and fail, then the only thing you lose is a friend.  But you didn’t want to be her friend anyway, you wanted to bang her.  So this is basically a win any way you slice it.