Now that spring break is winding down, we’d like to take a look at some of the people who are still suffering from its wrath.
Whether you were getting crunked in Ft Lauderdale, got your shit stolen in Cabo, or got beat up by a cowboy on South Padre Island, you’ve all got a story to tell. The following people will make this list, every single year.
Mormon Girl Who Lost Her Virginity
The Mormon girl is a 4.0 GPA student at BYU who has never touched a dropped of alcohol. However, on spring break weekend she got talked into driving down to Havasu. This is where “just one beer” turned into 7 and she ended up getting pile driven by a tattooed white boy wearing a sideways hat. “Mom, Dad…that whole virginity plus marriage thing….can we talk about that?”
Guy Who Almost Drowned
Drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol and doing cannon balls off someone’s house boat, in theory, sounds awesome. Sadly it’s also a good way to end up in the ICU. The worst part of this whole thing though, is the “I thought we could trust you” speech that he will have to endure from his parents.
Frat Boy Who Broke His Arm
When entire fraternities embark on a spring break excursion, you know shit is going to get ugly. The frat boy is the first to accept retarded dares, and the last one to make it home. The frat boy won’t let a simple cast get in the way of his good time though. Thus, he decides to do a swan dive off of a cliff on his last day, causing him to need another surprise visit to the ER in order to get re-casted.
Guy Who Watched his GF Get Gang Banged
During spring break anything goes. Unfortunately, the emotional agony haunts you for the rest of your life. This poor guy didn’t mind his girlfriend flashing her titties (to get a few beads) at first. In fact, he thought it was pretty hot. It’s amazing what a dozen Jell-o shots can do to a girl though, because coming back to a hotel room full of meat whistles getting thrown at his girlfriend from all angles, was the last thing this poor chap wanted to end his night seeing.
Chick Who Put a Popsicle In Her Vagina In Front of a Camera
Drunk females get very competitive when it comes to wet t-shirt contests. Some will take it a step further by placing stuff into their vagina. I have an old VHS tape of a girl losing a strawberry in her snatch so her friend had to help her dig it out. All while like forty cheering drunk dudes watched the whole thing in astonishment. The Popsicle snatch girl usually doesn’t know the camera is rolling, so when she gets back to campus, she is fairly famous. Good advertising for “Otter Pops” but not so good for her reputation.
Horny Dad Who Jerked Off To A GGW Video And Didn’t Realize It Was His Daughter
I know for a fact that 40-year-old dads jerk off to 18-year-old girls. It’s in our genes (pun time?). The problem is this: If they have daughters in college, there is a good chance they’re getting getting violated in every single orifice (especially on spring break). Laughably, this makes some of the best fap material ever. Well, until you realize that the girl you were watching, was also the one you raised. Shake it off pops, we won’t tell.
Idiot Who Passed Out In The Sun
This bright young man was doing kegstands all morning and decided it would be a good idea to take a midday nap under the sun. The result was a sac blister on his left shoulder and 2nd degree burns everywhere else.
Have any good tales from spring break? Submit them or comment below.