Have you ever known someone who had a baby, then the first time you see the baby you’re shocked at how ugly it is? It’s awkward because normally you’d be going “awww.. s/he’s beautiful!” and mean it, but in the ugly baby situation you just really don’t know what to say. Then there’s the forced smile and uncomfortable silence…
I’ve come face-to-face with two hideous babies in my life… and I don’t just mean they weren’t that cute. I’m not trying to be an asshole about it either. I know they were just babies and I shouldn’t have been critical of their looks — but the first one I saw looked like an albino monkey after a long weekend in Vegas and the second one looked like what you’d expect if a gremlin fucked a llama. What are you supposed to do when you’re expected to react like it’s any normal looking baby and instead of feeling warm and fuzzy about it you have the urgent need for some eye bleach?
Neither the albino monkey or the gremlin-llama hybrid had any medical condition that would have explained their appearance. If they had, I would not have felt repulsed by them. These were normal, healthy babies (and both had milf mothers) that just looked like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down.
Animals can have ugly babies too. My mom found a kitten one time that she described as “so ugly it’s cute.” I wish the human babies could have turned the cute corner at some point in their hideousness, but sadly, I think it’s nearly impossible for a human being to be as adorably ugly as a baby animal.
To save you the need for too much eye bleach, we’re going to focus on ugly baby animals that for some reason we still find cute.
And now, this excited baby chicken has a big baby surprise for you…
I guess you may need that eye bleach after all.