magnifier menu chevron-left chevron-right chevron-up comment chevron-up chat_bubble_outline2 share thumbs-up thumbs-down chevron-down

I don’t snort when I cum

||

Name: Tigre
Age (at the time): 18

Now I must explain that I partied a lot in high school and I discovered two very important things about myself: I am a lightweight and I make a complete ass of myself when I drink too much.

I went to either my first or second party in college. People kept handing me drinks, I am nervous since I don’t know many people at the school, so to make a long story short I drink a little too much. As in I am completely smashed.

The two friends I came with decide to leave early and another friend promises to walk me home since I am obviously way out there. This all would have been fine except my two friends failed to inform me that they were leaving so I thought they had abandoned me. and I ended up walking home alone, passing out in a grave yard, puking in said grave yard, being unable to walk forward and rolling out onto the middle of the road, puking in someones yard, puking in another yard, getting a ride from a random guy in a white pick up, and finally crawling into bed where I puked in the back round of my roomies skype conversation (which she thought was hilarious) as well as inciting a campus wide search since no one had seen me leave or come home.

That evening (the one after the party) people came by to see how I was feeling and to tell me of my antics that I didn’t remember. This part of the night I do not remember but have been told various accounts of this by everyone there.

I am apparently standing outside on the porch smoking a cigarette when someone makes me laugh. I snort when I laugh. (I should also explain that my friends in high school always gave me shit for it saying that obviously, I must also snort when I cum.) Everyone laughs at this and feel the need to explain that “Contrary to popular belief although I snort when I laugh I do not snort when I cum in fact I kind of sound like this” and proceed to fake and orgasm on the porch. I do not remember any of this but everyone else does and is still to this day sometimes brought up.

Hai guys, this is my "O" face

Dear Tigre, It’s a bummer you don’t actually snort when you cum. If you did, we could try to get you to snort cum while you were cumming and snorting. You know, like a line of coke but with semen. Also, here’s a fist bump for not getting raped while you were hitching rides with random dudes.

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
  • More From Us