Regretful Morning

She let me bang her on the first date, what now?

Posted March 12th, 2010 at 12:39 pm by

Since the caveman tactic of clubbing a ho and pulling her back to your cave is somewhat frowned upon today, men have been forced to take women out on “dates.”  The goal for the most part is still for the man to place his penis into the woman’s vagina sometime during said date.

The problem is that we’ve grown so used to getting denied due to that ridiculous “3 date rule” that we really don’t know what to do if things actually go our way.  Let’s say she is in fact down to knock boots on date #1.  You really like this girl, but now you think she might be a whore.  Should you continue to pursue her?  Is dating a whore a good thing or a bad thing?  Let’s take a look at a simulation, we’ll let you form your own conclusion.

I really like this girl, but she let me bang her on the first date, what now?

Question #1 How smashed did you get her?

If you bought her multiple glasses of wine and shots, and played all of your cards right, then she probably isn’t a whore, you’re just smart.  Don’t be shocked when those panties drop after 2 bottles of Merlot.  Although this probably isn’t her first rodeo, keep in mind that she didn’t give it up for free.  When you get the bill you’ll see what I mean.

Let’s take a look at an example of an actual whore.

Question #2 Did she just get out of a relationship?

If the answer to this question is yes, than the answer to the initial “is she a whore” question is no.  But it also means that she won’t be all that in to you.  You were a rebound.  Lose that frown Charlie Brown, you got laid didn’t you?

Question #3 Are you awesome?

If you just tagged and bagged a girl on the first date then yes you are.  Slut or no slut, she stepped into the danger zone and even Mother Teresa’s panties drop when encountering the DZ.

Conclusion: So you’re still not sure if you should continue to date a chick who gives it up on the first date, right?  Our advice is this: Sluts are cool, and they do a great service to mankind.  Sure she’s probably seen a lot of cock, but that just means she’s down to get pounded.  Also, it’s simple economics.  Let’s say a date costs $50.  With a slut it will basically cost you $50 to get laid.  Now lets add the “3 date rule” for uptight chicks.  3x$50 = $150.  Be happy, she’s a keeper, and she’s easy on your wallet.

Around The Web

  • Matt
    March 12, 2010


    NOT pleased with this article at all. #1 pretty much endorses full-on date rape (use more and more alcohol until she’s passed out), even mocking the use of violence as a necessary tradition (“clubbing a ho and pulling her back to your cave”, which isn’t rejected on the basis of it being abusive bullshit by douchebags, but because–get this–we can’t get away with it anymore! It’s “somewhat frowned on today.” Awww.)

    #1 and #3 both play on the “sex is owed because of money we paid” bullshit. You’ve just taught a lot of brainless fratboys that the price of sex from “a slut” is $50 (“keep in mind that she didn’t give it up for free. When you get the bill you’ll see what I mean.”), and that this is women’s DUTY after being so-bought ( it’s their “service to mankind”). As if the date rape bullshit isn’t clear enough, let’s through in some good old-fashioned she-deserved-it victim blaming: “Slut or no slut, she stepped into the danger zone…”

    Look, I’m a straight guy, love sex, love hot women, and have no hang-ups about irreverent humor. But this is a BULLSHIT article. End the douchebag date-rape-is-awesome shit. Not just because it’s uncool to women–hey, did you know they’re PEOPLE too?–but because you just made us MEN look like assholes.

    • klee
      March 13, 2010


      you sound like a pussy lol

      • KannaChan
        June 22, 2010



        You ARE a pussy. Asshole

    • Danger Zone
      March 13, 2010


      You took an article on this website serious? You fail hard.

    • Alexi
      March 20, 2010


      You must get so much pussy, being a whiteknight

  • lanna
    March 13, 2010


    I love Archer.

  • Sharon
    March 15, 2010


    What do you do with a chick who lets you bang her on the first date? Well, if you’re my husband, you marry her and are still happily married (and banging her) after 30 years! :) And yes, I was pretty drunk but that was my own fault, and he was only the 2nd guy I ever slept with, so I wasn’t a “whore” by any stretch of the imagination. We both just got lucky I guess!

    • Jason
      March 16, 2010


      You sound awesome :)

    • matt
      May 26, 2010


      I want to high five your husband.

  • wigs
    April 13, 2010


    can’t understand

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