Name: Andrew
Age (at the time): 20

So one weeknight, my buddy and I decide to hit a pizza place at the beach down the road from my place(within walking distance). It was open mic night, so we figured at worst pick up a couple skeezers and bring em home. I take about 6 shots of Sailor Jerry’s before he gets there because I figure I won’t be allowed to drink when we get there.
Anyhow, my buddy gets to my place and we head to the bar. There’s not many people there yet, so we decide to order a pizza and a pitcher.  After about an hour, the place starts getting packed from wall to wall. By this time, we’ve gone thru about 4 pitchers by ourselves. We meet these two chicks and start to go pitcher for pitcher. We stayed until closing time and by the end of the night we had about 12 to 14 pitchers between the 4 of us(not exactly sure).

Anyways, it’s time to leave and my buddy leaves with a beer in his hand. Well the owner comes outside and starts to bitch and knocks his beer out of his hand.  My buddy flips and wants to start fighting.  The 2 girls we’d met try to calm us down while this black guy comes up behind us, persists he’s got our back and then basically starts a racial riot.  The police show up and tell everyone to leave so me and my buddy invite the girls back to my place.

We get back to my place and before we can even get situated, one of the girls claims she lost her phone and starts freaking out on me(not the one I was trying to get with fortunatly enough). Anyways she proceeds to punch me in the face.

Well, being the gentleman I am and not wishing to go to jail on domestic violence charges, I decide to calm myself down by taking a walk. I leave my place, walk to the beach, and then walk along the beach. A bum decides to try to mug me, and we get into a fist fight just as the police pull up. Lucky for me, it was one of my neighbors who was about to get off duty.

Picture is unrelated but the video is here

He decided to give me a ride home, where I proceeded to throw up all over the side of my house and basically all over my clothes before walking in my room and finding that girl in her bra and thong claiming “She missed me”. I woke up the next morning feeling like I’d been hit by a train, and also had a citation on the door from my neighbor for “public intoxication”.  He added a letter saying, “be thankful I didn’t take you to jail last night for being canned and charge you with assault.  Have a great weekend”.

What a dick. Needless to say, best night of my life.

Dear Andrew, In the last paragraph you said you came home to find a half naked chick in your bed.  Did you raw dog that shit while chunks of puke got smeared between your bodies?  Don’t leave us hanging like this man.