Talking on the phone is an important part of our culture. Sadly, we’ve developed some bad habits since that first phone was invented back in 1876. And I have a good feeling that if Alexander Graham Bell saw the shit we do during a normal conversation today, he’d probably be pretty disappointed (unless he was getting picture messages of D cups sent to him).
Eating and Chewing Gum
Feel like repulsing the person on the other line? Cool, keep eating that sandwich and making those sexy “om nom nom” noises. If you just took a huge bite of your big mac, don’t answer the phone, that’s what caller ID is for. Enjoying a nice piece of Hubba Bubba? Awesome, do it quietly – it takes very little skill.
Carrying on a Conversation With Other People in the Room
Not trying to be sexist here but women are the worst when it comes to this. Specifically those in the 18-24 demographic. I called to talk to you, not to listen to you talk to your roommate about her boyfriend drama.
Heavy Breathing Into The phone
In the month of March a lot of us turn into fat, weezing slobs due to an abundance of girl scout cookies. This is understandable, it also means that you’re going to be winded when you trot across the house trying to answer your cell. Please, the Mr. Ed breathing needs to stop. The only type of acceptable loud breathing is the kind you hear during phone sex.
Asking Friend to Hold for Extended Periods of Time
If you know you have to go water the lawn, don’t tell me to “hold on for a minute.” Do your stuff and call me back. My cellphone plan isn’t unlimited, and if it were, I’d still have better things to do than to sit around waiting for you to get back.
Taking A Dump While On A Call
Having a conversation with someone while they start taking a piss can be disheartening. Adding a few grunts and the sounds of splashing turd water can be down right mortifying. Yet for some reason, this happens.
Yelling Over Background Noise
We get it, you’re awesome, that’s why you’re calling us from inside of a loud ass bar where we can’t hear a word you’re saying. The message is obvious enough though; you’re out having a great time, we’re not.
Drunk dialing has destroyed more relationships then you can shake a stick at, and that’s why it owns. Tell your ex, mom, boss, or best friend (of the same sex who you have a gay crush on) how you really feel. Verbal shit will hit the fan, and you won’t remember a single word of it.
Conclusion: Talk on the phone to the person you called. If there are too many distractions and you can’t give them at least 90% of your attention, do everyone a favor and just drop a text.