Regretful Morning

15 Of The Hottest Penpals (From Prison)

Posted March 23rd, 2010 at 11:31 am by

Let’s say you don’t have enough money to hit the strip clubs, you’re bored of jerking off on Chatroulette, and you just don’t have the time or social skills to have sex with a normal person.  Look no further young Jedi, we’ve stumbled across 15 cock hungry women who ACTUALLY want to have sex with you, even if they don’t see an alimony check later.

Let’s briefly go over some fine print:

  • They’re a little bit kooky
  • They’re in prison

Go get em’ tiger!

Rachel Graham

It should be pointed out that this girl, jailed for running someone over, lists ‘race cars’ and ‘motorcycles’ as some of her favorite things. At least she has a sense of adventure.

Incarcerated for: Intoxicated Manslaughter, Intoxicated Assault
29 years old
Release date: 2011
View Rachel’s Profile

Courtney Ketcham

This young woman appears to be a relatively normal person who made a few bad decisions. Courtney is released from prison in April, so write while you still can — she’s only unable to run away for another two months.

Incarcerated for: Robbery
22 years old
Release date: 2010
View Courtney’s Profile

Joanna Plants

Self proclaimed ‘Barbie Doll’ Joanna Plants is a preacher’s daughter, but daddy had to do something terribly wrong for his beautiful little girl to end up in prison for murder at age 21. Joanna says her legs are ‘to die for’, and it’s very possible that someone actually did.

Incarcerated for: Murder
21 years old
Release date: Never
View Joanna’s Profile

Laura Moss

Laura lists her most marked characteristic as “ADD,” and says that her idea of happiness consists of Starbucks. A mysterious woman of great depth, Moss was arrested for drunkenly trying to rob someone’s house.

Incarcerated for: DUI, DWI, Burglary of Habitat
27 years old
Release date: 2011
View Laura’s Profile

Connie Hale

Cute as a button Connie Hale is incarcerated for Forgery for just another year, but her crime wasn’t the only thing she’s been lying about — it’s hard to believer her super hot snapshot represents her 31 year old self.

Incarcerated for: Forgery
31 years old
Release date: 2011
View Connie’s Profile

Kimberly Porter

Attractive and articulate Kimberly Porter is willing to accept letters from virtually anyone, and the conclusions drawn from her introduction letter are actually pretty sad. Life can be lonely in prison, especially when an entire family has disowned you for the kidnapping crime that earned Porter a life sentence.

Incarcerated for: Kidnapping
29 years old
Release date: Never
View Kimberly’s Profile

Anesha Wise

Anesha Wise wants someone who will ‘stimulate [her] mind,’ but a titillating picture of her straddling the grill of a car leads one to believe that Anesha’s mind isn’t the only area she wants stimulated.

Incarcerated for: White Collar Crime
31 years old
Release date: 2012
View Anesha’s Profile

Helen Golay

Sexy Helen Golay wants someone she can settle down with upon her release in 2012. She likes ‘kinky things’ and wants you to send her your money. Don’t worry, she ‘never whines or argues,’ and her variety of interests makes her sound like the perfect gal. Something about this profile makes me think there’s a 300 pound man behind the photograph, eagerly waiting for letters with a hand in his pants.

Incarcerated for: Possession of Stolen Property
37 years old
Release date: 2012
View Helen’s Profile

Leanna Boyd

Leanna’s self portrait at the family BBQ makes her look pretty young, especially for someone in their early thirties. Her sweet face doesn’t excuse the juvenile act of carjacking, but a release date of 2012 gives her some time to think about it.

Incarcerated for: Carjacking
31 years old
Release date: 2012
View Leanna’s Profile

Dawn Benskin

Benskin’s self proclaimed ‘loyalty’ may be what landed her in the pen for murder, but how does one find out without penning a letter to the dark haired beauty? Posing with a little dog in front of some crappy art, her picture sends the impression that Benskin’s life in the fast lane finally caught up with her.

Incarcerated for: 1st Degree Murder
40 years old
Release date: 2044
View Dawn’s Profile

Barbara Crump Robinette

This lady is hot after a 6 pack and 2 vicodin

Choosy for a girl behind bars, Barbara Robinette wants to “fill herself up with you” — but only if you’re white. This cute little racist will only be locked up until the end of this year, and is in a strange and unfounded rush to find a ‘nice’ prison pen pal to settle down with before she gets out.

Incarcerated for: Bad Checks
30 years old
Release date: 12/2010
View Barbara’s Profile

Maria Hendrick

This exotic photograph of a busty Maria Hendrick looks like it came straight out of a magazine, but it’s another believe-it-or-not shot for the 38 year old bail jumper. A trend of deceitful women laying their pen pal traps in the form of enticing but outdated photographs has begun to emerge.

Incarcerated for: Bail Jump
38 years old
Release date: 12/2010
View Maria’s Profile

Amber Jackson

Young Amber Jackson has no qualms coming to terms with who she is and the crime she’s committed. Despite the down-to-earth tone of her message, creeps everywhere will be pleased to hear that Amber is only looking for a man over the age of forty to become her next lover. Daddy issues, anyone?

Incarcerated for: Fleeing Scene of Accident
25 years old
Release date: 2011
Visit Amber’s Profile

Irina Baranovich

Irina Baranovich may look sweet, but her three crimes make her sound pretty badass – assault, burglary, theft. Too bad she couldn’t include ‘cunning’ in her life altering night as well.

Incarcerated for: Assault, Burglary, Theft
20 years old
Release date: 2012
View Irina’s Profile

Christie Byrd

Christie Byrd is an Ali Larter look-alike. That is all.

Incarcerated For: Robbery
34 years old
Release date: 2010/2012
View Christie’s Profile

This list was put together by Drew. Check out a half naked pic of her on her Twitter account.

Around The Web

26 Comments
  • duke
    March 23, 2010
    Reply


    #1

    Christie Byrd is an Ali Larter look-alike. That is all.

    NOT EVEN CLOSE

    • Jason
      March 24, 2010
      Reply


      #2

      orly?

      • matthew
        March 30, 2010
        Reply


        #3

        i want you to be friend. i love and will be happy to have you as my friend.
        i will be most grateful if you reply me.thanks

        • manana
          March 30, 2010
          Reply


          #4

          lolwat

  • ericr64
    March 29, 2010
    Reply


    #5

    That’s actually a pretty cool site. They even have an arcade.

    • Jason
      March 29, 2010
      Reply


      #6

      Will you go check it out irl and let us know?

  • stanman
    April 29, 2010
    Reply


    #7

    Barbara Crump Robinette is a racist because she is looking for a white male? You ARE a little off-center. Vote for Obama? Belong to the ACLU?

  • dude the man
    May 13, 2010
    Reply


    #8

    and the one of maria os out of a magazine she is a model and a fairly nice lady in a bummer situation still a little self centered but not a hardened con i actually have real pictures of her and she is banging

  • Angel
    July 9, 2010
    Reply


    #9

    I’m a friend of Irina’s and she’s a really cool chick.

  • JuJu
    July 11, 2010
    Reply


    #10

    lol at your description of joanna… oh snap.

  • Jason
    October 26, 2010
    Reply


    #11

    Sure, go for it.

  • free crack
    November 4, 2010
    Reply


    #12

    At least 7 or 8 hundred visitors at your weblog now, nice results for single website.

  • Steven Lavoie
    January 8, 2011
    Reply


    #13

    Amber Jackson has gained A LOT of weight since this picture was taken.

  • Jason
    March 30, 2010
    Reply


    #14

    Ohh, I have an entire set of pictures of her fully naked. I thought it was a viral thing because they were all labeled “oh look I found this girls camera at the beach” and then it linked to a pay site.

    Anyway, can you tell her that I’m bi or something. I would pay to eat that ass.

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