You and your lady friend have just wrapped up date number three, and since your roommate is gone you decide to take her back to your place with the patented “let’s watch a movie” line. Date #3 is a pretty big milestone for us as men because we know it’s when most females feel that they can spread eagle on a guy’s twin bed without feeling like a whore.
After an exciting make out session you begin to sneak below for the old ‘lick n’ stick’. It is here that you are hit with a combination of armpit and dirty diaper. The kind of aroma that would stop a charging bison in it’s tracks.
What should you do? On your first time together you will need to power through the experience without saying a word. Tell yourself that it was a hot day and your junk probably doesn’t smell much better.
However, we’re going to focus on what you need to do if this becomes a recurring issue. Remember, there is no safe zone when it comes to offering a female advice on her appearance or hygiene. Dropping hints will be your safest option.
Combined Shower – Before things get too steamy, let her know that you want to take a shower with her. Seriously, if you stick to your guns and suggest a shower every single time, she’ll start to wonder if something is wrong with her.
Refusing Service – Refusal of service or simply staying away from the area says a few things:
- I don’t like chowing on box
- I don’t like chowing on YOUR box
If your girlfriend has an IQ over 90 she’ll use the process of elimination to pin point the problem.
Gag noises – This can be the most difficult to pull off because it involves a shit load of good acting and passive aggression.
What you’ll want to do is start making awful noises with your throat, kind of like you just took a bite out of a shit sandwich. Then as you come back up, say something like “it’s not you it’s me.” Once you toss that line out there, she’ll know something is up.
Confrontation – You like your girlfriend and you’d hate to throw it all away because of some odor. You know you can’t live like this though. Remember, always use confrontation as a last resort. We’ve outlined a right way and wrong of going about this.
Right Way: Honey, I was wondering if you noticed a peculiar smell coming from your vagina? Is there anything I can do to help?
Wrong Way: Babe, you realize your vag smells like a Taco Bell dumpster right? I mean, I’ll still hit it but my face won’t go anywhere near that axe wound, lol.
Conclusion: Being in a situation like this is never pleasant. We’d like to suggest a screening process before you get to the point of no return. Sort of like you test drive a car before you buy it. We’ll call it the “first date scratch n’ sniff.” From here you should be able to size up the situation and make a decision on whether or not this is a road you’d like to go down.