Spring is right around the corner, and that means weddings. Sadly, weddings aren’t just about the boom boom with the bridesmaids. A lot of tears, hugs, and other awkward bullshit will be distributed among our female counterparts. This is boring and unfun. Today we’re going to look at a few reasons why the rest of us are crying at weddings.
One of the perks of having to attend weddings is the fact that the bridesmaids are often hot. Sadly, what’s not hot are the atrocities bridezilla has forced them to wear for the occasion. Bridesmaids who look like a hookers are fine but many of these dresses really make you wonder wtf the bride could have been tripping on when she picked them.
Your Ex is Wearing White At Her Second Wedding
White dresses are supposed to symbolize purity. It’s always fun to watch the single mom you used tap roll through a church wearing one of these. You’ll be in tears at this point too, from LOL’ing. This is the same girl who let you give her a monster facial outside of Denny’s before her shift, and now she’s wearing all white. Irony is awesome.
The “Open Bar” is a Keg of Pabst Blue Ribbon
It’s a simple fact — PBR ruins lives. It’s ruined more than one marriage and finding it at a wedding reception is a bad omen. It’s sad — very sad — when you get weaseled into going to a wedding with the lure of an open bar and find out when you get there PBR is why you came.
The Relative Who Sings
Whether it’s a planned performance of “Endless Love” during the ceremony or a drunken rendition of “Friends in Low Places” during karaoke later, there’s usually one relative of the bride or groom who will feel the need to sing. Badly.
The End of Poker Night
As your buddy takes his vows, if you listen closely you can hear the death rattle of guys’ night. Even the most understanding girlfriends, when transformed into wives and moms, tend to want to nail down a family schedule. That schedule doesn’t include poker night and guys’ night out. As more of the group decide to get married, it’ll get smaller and smaller until it eventually is just a fond memory. We don’t blame you for shedding a tear, those were good times.
The Fact That You’ll “Probably” Never Hit That Again
Sometimes in life we’re graced with the perfect booty call. Someone who is attractive on the outside, fun to be around, but there really isn’t any chemistry there besides good sex. Your number was first in her drunk dial list. You never really cared when other dudes dated her because you knew that she’d dump them and you’d eventually get to see that ass again…until now. /tear
No, not really, who are we trying to kid? The US currently has a 50% projected divorce rate and 40% of women will be getting banged by other dudes while married. Doing some number crunching, it’s safe to say you’ll probably hit that again, only this time you may have to wait a little longer.