Regretful Morning

5 Ways to Fuck with Cops

Posted February 1st, 2010 at 12:14 pm by

You gotta think outside the box. Bacon and donut jokes are played out, but that doesn’t mean we should stop fucking with cops. To do so would be an injustice to society as this very fuckery keeps them on their toes. It’s important to keep officers of the law alert at all times.

*note: Readers should possess a sense of humor and common sense before going any further. Nobody is recommending you do any of these things, in fact, we’re pretty sure you definitely shouldn’t.

Befriend A Cop

If you know a cop who is cool (yeah, and who rides a unicorn) you can become friendly with him and actually get him in on this fuckjob. Just make sure your guy is riding shotgun. Whenever he wants to go somewhere, like Walgreens, he can send you a message. That’s your cue to drive recklessly wild and as fast as you can past the cop car. They will then chase you to the store while the cop driving readies his Taser. Make sure your cop friend can prevent you from getting Tasered and going to jail by explaining to his buddies that he was just fucking with the rook.

Chance of going to jail: Depends on how cool that cop friend of yours really is. Be careful out there.

Make Him or Her a Star

This one takes some time and planning. Adopt a cop as your new BFF. Then slowly start to become a bad influence on him or her. Make a video of the cop doing something obviously illegal or drunkenly spouting racial slurs and make him or her a YouTube sensation. Be sure to call the local media and send them the clip as well.

Chance of going to jail: Nearly nil, but watch your back if he was popular at the station.

Get A New Car

Park your car somewhere other than your house. A vacant parking lot or empty field far away would be good. Call the police with an anonymous tip that the car, located wherever you have parked it, has many pounds of narcotics hidden in it (or anything else that is extremely illegal and would cause great alarm).

[Somebody Set Us Up the Bomb!]

Wait for the gang of cops to show up and rip apart and/or blow up your vehicle.

When nothing is found, settle out of court for A BRAND NEW CAR!

A variation of this pig porking is to have someone call and report your car stolen, while you drive around aimlessly until you’re pulled over. After you’re arrested, the PD will likely pay for your car to settle the false arrest claim.

Chance of going to jail: Extremely likely, and for a long time.

Fake Rock

If you live or work in an area that cops drive by a lot, this may be your best opportunity to fuck with the local boys in blue. Stand outside until you see one coming, bend down and pretend to pick up something off the ground, like a small rock. Perfect timing is essential for this to work. You throw the fake rock into the air, and follow its path with your eyes down to the cop’s windshield. Then make a face as if you can’t believe the rock hit the windshield.

Alternatively, you and a friend can pretend to play tug-o-war across the road with an imaginary rope when you see a cop coming.

Chance of going to jail: Expect to be chased and/or questioned and possibly arrested for this dumb shit.

Send the Chief a Free Subscription to Gay Pride Magazine

This is pretty self-explanatory. Sign the card from an officer in the department.

Chance of going to jail: Slim, but possible. Involving the USPS in your cop-fucking fun could end badly.

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22 Comments
  • lindlerwm
    February 1, 2010
    Reply


    #1

    variation of the new car gag: rig up a phoney crackhouse with explosives, phone in an anonymous tip, have a radio playing extremely loud , and when the entire narcitics squad pulls a raid, as soon as the last one goes in, set it off and give the whole block free shredded pork !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    • Sam
      March 26, 2010
      Reply


      #2

      stay strong and remember….FUCK THE POLICE!

  • bocko
    February 4, 2010
    Reply


    #3

    lindlerwm, hope you used a good tracking blocker because you just advocated, conspired and planned a mass murder of Police Officers. That is a felony. I am forwarding your comments to the proper authorities for investigation.
    .

    • Sam
      March 26, 2010
      Reply


      #4

      fuck you and fuck the pigs….ill have sympathy for cops dying when they actually do their job and protect the people instead of corruptly harrassing and arresting people for personal habits whic h is more unhealthy? being raped and beaten in prison…or smoking a plant? the people that control us seem to want us to believe that prison is better for you than inhaling marijuana smoke

  • tiger woods your mom !
    February 4, 2010
    Reply


    #5

    bocko what a snitch

  • necropsychronautron
    February 6, 2010
    Reply


    #6

    I must have divine luck since I’ve always managed to have a very cordial experience every time I’ve run afoul of the law. Getting arrested/fined sucks, but it’s amazing how much courtesy you can get from a person when you’re not telling them to go fuck themselves.
    Principles are important, but acting in your own interest is well, you know, in your interest.

    • Sam
      March 26, 2010
      Reply


      #7

      true but only to their faces…i to have recently had many run in with the cops where ive gotten lucky because im polite and respectful….but still FUCK THE POLICE!

    • P Smith
      June 26, 2011
      Reply


      #8

      Or maybe you live in a fairly well-to-do neighborhood where the pigs don’ t want to piss off the homeowners.

    • Stella
      June 27, 2011
      Reply


      #9

      I am not at all helpful to the police. I tell them to their faces what they’re doing is messed up. I lie to them frankly and talk in curt, deadpan tones. And I’m still a free woman. I’ll always be free, or else I’ll be dead.

  • Ftp
    June 6, 2010
    Reply


    #10

    I will start to respect the police when cannabis is legalized and they are not harrassing people for choices. Until then – FUCK THE POLICE! DIE IN A CROSSFIRE YA FASCIST OINKER BASTARDS!

  • name
    June 19, 2010
    Reply


    #11

    shredded pigs sounds tasty, better one: tell the cop pig to go suck your dick, and then shoot him in the face a dozen times, proceed to shoot other pigs until they quit with the piss-poor aim and hit you in the face. any type of gun will work, bb gun, squirt gun, real gun, doesn’t matter; they’ll shoot anything that moves.

  • name
    June 19, 2010
    Reply


    #12

    FUCK THE POLICE!! one crime will have the entire police fleet, while other crimes go ignored.

  • name
    June 19, 2010
    Reply


    #13

    protect and serve their own asses

  • one
    August 19, 2010
    Reply


    #14

    i think is funny that they only think they have power but the dont the public has the power to say fuck you pig

  • i don't like bacon
    September 15, 2010
    Reply


    #15

    first and foremost…bocko you fucking twat…suck my big long dick that i raped your mother with. fuck you, and a double fuck you! to every pig in this corrupt fucking country. the only time i want to c a cop is in the path of a bullet, rocket, meteor, lightening striking, a squirt of semen, a super hard punch, & best of all; a cell, so you mother fuckers can see how it feels. p.s. whats ur home address bocko so i can send u a free subscription of gay pride magazine

  • jambo
    October 3, 2010
    Reply


    #16

    All you people need to stop yer yakin and actually do somethin about it. We live in a democracy. Who’d you vote for? I don’t agree with a lot of things either but I’m at least realistic in that I know what’s in my control and what’s not. Killing an innocent cop is not the answer. It would be the same as me killing you for being an american if I was against your country’s politics and was a foreigner. Double standards are not allowed in the USA. You know, there are people in other countries right now writing things like “the only time I want to see an american is in the path of a bullet, etc” and your dumb ass is JUST LIKE THEM. Idea: Why don’t you all go somewhere else, start your own country, and call it “fuckyousa”. I guarantee everyone will be dead in a matter of a week.

  • In The Ass
    April 5, 2011
    Reply


    #17

    I’d vote for the guy, if they weren’t all corrupt

  • PIG KILLER
    May 28, 2011
    Reply


    #18

    FUCK THE COPS AND AS FAR AS A DEMOCRACY LETS PUT COPS PAYROLL ON THE BALLOT EVERY TIME I NEED A FATASS PIG LIKE WHEN MY CAR WAS STOLEN I FOUND MY OWN CAR( EVEN THOUGH I REPORTED IT 3 DAYS EARLIER) THEY TOLD ME THAT THEY CANT JUST GO ASKING PEOPLE QUESTIONS AND ACCUSING THEM OF CRIMES ( WAIT ISN’T THAT UR FUCKING JOB U FAT FUCK?) ALL PIGS SHOULD DIE I AM STARTING A FACEBOOK PAGE TO I HATE COPS SO PEOPLE CAN SHARE THEIR STORIES OF HOW COPS FUCKED THEM IF IT WAS UP TO ME I WOULD LINE ALL THE COPS UP AND SPRAY THEM WITH A 20MM MINI GUNS OR KILL ALL THEIR KIDS AND LET THEM LIVE TO WATCH THEM SUFFER ANYONE ON HERE DEFENDING PIGS U ARE A SCARED LITTLE BITCH THAT RUNS TO COPS FOR EVERYTHING OOPS MY NEIGHBORS MUSIC IS TO LOUD LETS CALL THE PIGS OOPS SOMEONE WHIPPED THEIR KID LETS CALL THE COPS OUR TIME WILL COME
    THE US ECONOMY IS SLOWING CRASHING AND SOON IT WILL BE ON THAT DAY I OPEN THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE PORK FOR ALL WE CAN FEED THE STARVING UNPREPARED PEOPLE OF THE US THE MEAT OF THE DEAD PIGS
    PIGS BETTER RUN FOR COVER WHEN SHIT HITS THE FAN CUZ I AM GOING THE FUCK OFF ON EVERY LAW ENFORCEMENT I SEE

  • P Smith
    June 26, 2011
    Reply


    #19

    Every time I hear a pig gets killed, I smile. Pigs are no better than a gang of street criminals, the only difference is they have legal protection and permission to commit crimes.

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