It’s been an exciting 8 months in your relationship and you’ve shown a lot persistence and determination when it comes to trying out the backdoor.
Then magically on one rainy January evening after two bottles of wine, and a steamy make out session, you finally get cleared to buzz the tower. You haven’t felt this excited since the time you finished a match with over 50% rail gun accuracy in Quake 3.
Things are shaky at first but eventually you get the hang of it. Suddenly, as you were trying to pace yourself you accidentally slipped and abruptly pulled out. This leads to a Hershey trail the size of your forearm getting streaked across the sheets. Pop Quiz: What do you do?
What To Do
- Stay Calm
Acting like this is a normal part of anal is going to be your best bet. Your girlfriend just went number two all over your bed, the last thing you want to do is make a commotion. Doing so, will mortify her and ruin your chances of future experimental encounters.
- Finish in the Shower
Finishing what you started in the shower is a great way to wash away some of the textures and smells that would otherwise just be lingering. Also, watching chunks of shit flow into your shower drain can be extremely entertaining. However, you will not want to make any comments on this.
What NOT To Do
- Make Jokes
To guys accidental shitting (much like farting) can be hilarious. Unfortunately when it’s at your girlfriends expense, this can also be disastrous.
- Explain How Much Your Sheets Cost
When you wrecked your Dad’s piece of shit Subaru Junior year in HS, the last thing you wanted to hear was how much money he had spent “fixing it up.” You already felt like a giant penis for fucking up your only ride to school, and on top of that, you had to be reminded of how you’re going to be sharing a bus seat with some kid who drools and makes airplane noises.
Conclusion: Anal accidents can be stressful. Don’t laugh, panic, or poke fun of your special lady. Keeping these pointers in mind will pave the way for a future experience.
January 13, 2010
#1
I can almost be the douche that wrote this article has never tried greekstyle.. but funny, nontheless
January 13, 2010
#2
Are you willing to teach me?
January 13, 2010
#3
If you can get past the smell it makes for good lube.
January 13, 2010
#4
my gf did this once and becane my ex gf soon after.
January 13, 2010
#5
Finishing a game of Quake 3 with over 50% rail gun accuracy is fucking awesome
January 13, 2010
#6
The little cartoon videos you made were hilarious!
January 13, 2010
#7
What’s next? Deep throat, of course.
January 14, 2010
#8
Idiots. If you knew what you were doing, this would never happen. I’m doubting that it ever actually happened as described at all.
February 6, 2010
#9
Give her an enema before hand; the feeling is very intense and easily sexual depending on how you do it, and then you won’t have this problem. Most girls will like the sensations. (I know I do.)
April 7, 2010
#10
Just stop trying to ruin her exit site – dude. I guess you’ve never seen someone have to have anal surgery.
You aren’t the one who’s going to need diapers to protect the car seats – just because her bf was a douche!
If you have an anal fetish, just admit you are gay already! You obviously like to be balls deep in poo – you deserve it, you asked for it!!!
April 23, 2010
#11
lol youre a prude susie, probably over 40
August 20, 2010
#12
Susie, i introduce you to Manji(whom I’m assuming is a girl, not sure which gender that name would be), post number 9.
November 30, 2010
#13
A guy at my highschool went in the backdoor of his girlfriend and she shit everywhere, like on the walls.. they ended up blaming it on his dog, and the parents put the dog to sleep. true story
January 26, 2011
#14
Hey Bob I heard that story before, was that in Queensland Australia?
February 12, 2011
#15
happened to me an my girl once a big log came out in the bed wen i pulled out for more lube. We just kept going.