Before summer started, a lot of us decided that spare tires look better in the trunk of our cars rather than around our waists. In doing so, we learned a lot about the people who visit our local gym.
We’ve decided to document our experience. If we’ve missed any, please don’t hesitate by letting us know with the usual “omfg I can’t believe you fags missed” type of comment.
Chick Who Is Just There To Socialize
The attention whore is a good looking female who might do 5 crunches during her time at the gym. She’s there to socialize and bathe in the attention and looks that she’s getting from every straight guy within range. However, you’re not allowed to stare at her tights that have been hiked into her ass crack. Why? Because only pigs do that, and she’ll let you know if she catches you.
The Old Man (NSFW Vid)
The old man and his swinging nuts can make for a very interesting and uncomfortable gym encounter. You see, the old man isn’t a perv, but he’s completely oblivious that some of his body parts peek out of his gym gear. However, explaining to him that everyone can see his gray bush during situps, and his wrinkled sack during squats is even more uncomfortable. In this situation, it’s best to just ignore.
Grunting is unnecessary and retarded. You get nothing from grunting that you couldn’t get from a regular exhale. Loud grunts are just another away of saying “Hey look at me and how fucking jacked and tan I am.” Obligatory video of guido douchebags goes here. Fuckin’ skanks.
Lineman Who Keeps Farting
The offensive lineman for your local JC team doesn’t really want to be at the gym. Lucky for you and the rest of the gym, his coach wants him there on Saturdays to “put on a few pounds of muscle.” That would be groovy, except for the fact that he was up all night doing shots of jack while washing them down with Natty Ice. To top in off, he ate 2 plates of Carne Asada Fries and had a milk shake to sober up. This person is sporting a ridiculous case of mud butt, and now you’re going to suffer.
If you’ve got female friends who attend a gym, you should ask them sometime if they’ve had a “touchy trainer.” Some of these clowns would be full on fisting girls during their training session if they weren’t stopped. “You’re really tight, let’s see if we can work that out!”
Girl Who Could Beat Your Ass
It really makes you feel like a worthless weak turd when you’re putting your 20 LBS dumbbell back in the rack, only to see some hot chick, grab an even heavier set. You can play it off by acting like it was just your warm up set, but there are risk factors involved.
The Fat Ass
It’s hard to say anything bad about the fatass. They get called “fat fuck” and get told to “hit the gym” all of their life, and now that they’re at the gym, we’re going to shit on them again. Unfortunately while they’re trying to burn off those McRibs, they expel a ridiculous amount of sweat. And yea it is a gym and people are supposed to sweat but if you could have a choice between sharing a bench press with a 150 pound guy or fat Albert whose grease covered sweat smells like fast food, which one would you choose?