Name: Chris
Age (at the time): 22

I had been drinking. Wait, not this night, but it seems that’s how every one of my story starts. She had been drinking, yeah that;s more like it. She, being my girlfriend of course, so any crazy drunken (on her part) sex would be ok, and not advantageous for such an upright citizen like myself since she was not some random drunk broad.

Yet the time was not right, or the moon was too full, and those past 10 hours working at the local movie theater serving popcorn with fake butter to large lard riddled cheeks packaged in sweat pants had left me drained. All I wanted was what everyman works hard for a blowjob followed by deep blissful sleep. Of course she wanted a four course meal of dick with a side of cunnilingus.

That a god damn doggie treat for me any other night of the week, but tonight? Tired, I thought of all the men with dysfunctional members and all the joy they miss in pounding the pink, and I mustered enough blood flow, and enough happy juice to satisfy her needs, but the thrusting and mounting was rather what bothered me most. After trying to persuade her to ride me with no success, I decided to take her 10 rounds with the champ. Make her sore in the morning and regret taking on this heavyweight.

But what happened was more hilarious than anything. I was tired, not a virgin dammit, I swear I knew I was sticking you in the thigh, not that sweet pink little pussy of yours. I swear even though I was ramming it for a few minutes, but trust me baby, thats foreplay for me, and a deep tissue massage for you. After that it was on, some hardcore 2 minutes of ground breaking humping. I guess I gassed early, or maybe it was the fact you were laughing at me for fucking your thigh. I don’t know what killed the mood, all I know is I wanted to bust quickly and fall asleep. So I focused and drop the Jizz bomb.
Yeah, I busted. You didn’t, but in the end I was the one laughing, but you didn’t mind, you thought I was laughing at your queefs.

Dear Chris, Your girlfriend sounds like a pretty cool chick.  The last time I slipped out and hit a thigh I was told to grow a larger penis.  It’s also pretty neat how she thinks her queefs are funny (not embarrassing like most chicks).  You should keep this one around.