Have you ever seen a receipt laying on a bar top, and thought to yourself “I bet I know what kind of person this belongs to”? Is it possible to formulate a conclusion based solely on what someone ordered? We’d like to think so.
6) The Wannabe Musician
The wannabe musician considers himself to be an artist. He starts off with micro brews or imports to let everyone know that he is a sophisticated individual, who will not conform to trends. As the night wears on, he begins to wonder why he hasn’t booked a gig in 2 years, and starts to order something with higher alcohol content. After gulping down his Long Island Iced Tea, he begins to realize that his music sucks. From here on out he orders shots of Jose until he runs out of cash. After leaving a $1.32 tip, he heads back to his ride.
5) The Construction Worker
After working 12 hours in the sweltering heat, The Construction Worker hits his favorite bar. He knows everyone by their first name and usually keeps himself in well mannered. Around beer #9 he begins to refer to the bartender as “sugar tits” instead of “Kimmie” (all in good fun). After completing beer #12, he hops in his F-150, drives home to his wife, and doesn’t swerve once.
4) The Aspiring Actress
The Aspiring Actress enters a popular night club and only orders club soda. She has $20 to her name and this is the cheapest drink on the menu. Thankfully, some sap in a suit rolls up on her after club soda #2, and offers to buy her some real drinks. After telling her that she is talented and beautiful, he pays for the rest of the tab, and takes her back to his place. Dignity is small price to pay when you just got 5 free cosmos and a compliment.
3) The Broken Hearted Frat Boy
Having just been dumped, the emotional frat boy enters his favorite sports bar. After telling most of the patrons his sob story, he decides that his pain will go away with shots of Jack. Sadly this Frat boy didn’t bring enough money to cover his tab, so the bar holds on to his ID and credit card until he can make payment. An unfortunate ending to the shit storm of a day hes already been through.
2) The Sorority Girl
The Sorority Girl and her sisters know how to game the system. They are the only ones who leave a bar with more money than they entered with. The Sorority Girl targets bars that are saturated with sausage, thus allowing her to pull in all sorts of free drinks (just to help even out the 10:1 ratio of dudes per chick). Once she has depleted all of the resources in one bar, she will move on to the next ‘brodeo’, where she will once again be the center of attention.
1) The Typical Guido
The Typical Guido enters clubs believing that he is gods gift to women. Sucking down 1 Jager Bomb per beer, he is determined to do two things. Get completely hammered, and score some tail. Sadly this douchebag usually ends up going home alone; heres why.
There are 80 milligrams of caffeine in a Red Bull. A Jager Bomb has about 1/2 of a Red Bull in it (40 MG).
40 mg Caffeine x 6 = 240 milligrams of caffeine.
With 240 milligrams of caffeine + alcohol pumpng through his veins, the Guido is more annoying at the end of the night then when it started.