Regretful Morning

5 Things you learn after you turn 21

Posted November 2nd, 2009 at 9:00 am by

The Wingman

Find one.  And I don’t just mean anyone.  A good Wingman is like a guardian angel on crack cocaine.  Buzz kill at 12 o’ clock?  Send him in.  Over protective roommate ruining your game?  Give him the knod and get the fuck out of the way.  A good Wingman does not mind taking down a Wildebeest that tips the scales at a buck eighty-five.  He’ll do it, and look good doing it.

wingman1

Bar Tabs

Never throw down your debit card before you’ve paid rent for that month.  We’ve all done it and some of you reading this will probably do it again.  Thats alright though, its part of growing up.  If you haven’t lived off of Top Ramen for weeks on end, then you really haven’t lived at all.  If rent is $475 and you have $500 in your account, do yourself a favor and withdrawl 20 bucks in cash.  Thats still enough to get you a few drinks during happy hour.  Otherwise you end up buying drinks for those around you, and the $20 you wanted to spend, turns into $50 that you don’t have.

Cock Block

You probably can’t count on one hand how many times you’ve been cock blocked or returned the favor.  When two guys give one girl the same retarded amount of attention, she will end up bailing on you both to hang with the guy who smacked her ass on her way to the ladies room.  Sometimes its important to know when to bow out.  If not, theres a good chance your face will end up looking like a hamburger at the hands of your best friend.  And at what cost?  A piece of tail you probably wouldn’t have been able to take home.

Cab Fair

Always keep enough reserve cash for the cab fair.  Scrambling around the block at 3am with a stomach full of alcohol is no picnic.

You won’t be having sexual intercourse

Unless you have a vagina, there’s a good chance you won’t get laid when you hit the clubs.  After going out for a few years you’ll find that you have much more fun when your goal is only to have a good time.  When your goal is to get laid, you’re setting yourself up for defeat.  On occasion you will find the sloppy chick who is ready to knock boots after you’ve given her 2 compliments, 4 drinks, and fed her some lines about how successful you are.  Glove up, this isn’t her first rodeo.  You didn’t seal that deal because you have game, you sealed it because you found a whore.  The Alpha Male: Trying to be the dominant alpha male is also a good way for people to laugh at you, not with you.  Chicks don’t dig it and your batting average will plummet from low to non-existent.  If the video below reminds you of how you and your friends act, you’re doing something wrong.

Around The Web

20 Comments
  • Frank
    July 18, 2008
    Reply


    #1

    That is so funny and yet a lot of it makes sense. It’s to bad that this stuff was not available when I was 21.

  • soge shirts
    July 18, 2008
    Reply


    #2

    Funny and true all at the same time.

  • Marc
    July 18, 2008
    Reply


    #3

    Buh! Good thing I’m way past over that stage :) If someone would question your claim about that then I’ll be a firsthand true to life example of that. Like they say, we all learn the hard way during our youth. Thing is, you’ve got to learn from it and move on else you’ll be stuck at age 21.

  • Ankit Gupta
    July 18, 2008
    Reply


    #4

    the first pix is really the funniest:)

  • DirtyLaundryDiva
    July 18, 2008
    Reply


    #5

    I love the photo of the girl who peed herself… Too freaking funny! Also, wingman is a great shot!

  • Gluttony
    July 18, 2008
    Reply


    #6

    #3 Got knocked the F#ck out. Little bit of rubbing alcohol would take care of that.

  • Petra
    July 19, 2008
    Reply


    #7

    this post is awesome! I stumbled you for all the bonehead 21 year olds out there who could learn a thing or two from your post. Well done!

  • JDizzle
    July 19, 2008
    Reply


    #8

    HAHAH “fuckin skanks….skanks…fuckin skanks…” Sooo funny!

  • Donace
    July 19, 2008
    Reply


    #9

    lol its all true!

  • Better Interpersonal Communication
    July 19, 2008
    Reply


    #10

    Great article. I love this blog!!!

  • hotsexylingerie
    July 20, 2008
    Reply


    #11

    so cool.. lol..

  • Turnip
    July 20, 2008
    Reply


    #12

    Too funny!

  • GetSmartGal
    July 20, 2008
    Reply


    #13

    Good stuff here, but not sure guys learn this even after 21, a lot of slow learners out there!

  • Fierce Diva
    July 20, 2008
    Reply


    #14

    My favorite line: “You didn’t seal that deal because you have game, you sealed it because you found a whore.” Too funny and too true. LOL

  • Frank J
    July 21, 2008
    Reply


    #15

    This post made our TWIB. Check it out at http://www.techjaws.com. Congrats!

  • craig
    July 24, 2008
    Reply


    #16

    This is a piss poor entry…
    ‘knod?’
    Sounds like it was written by a freshman who’s on the verge of dropping out…

  • Kat
    December 17, 2009
    Reply


    #17

    The first pic says it all!

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