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My Girlfriend’s vagina is loose, what now?

A lot of you know what it’s like to encounter a vagina that’s been around the block a time or six. Many scholars refer to it as “the hotdog down a hallway.” Personally I like to picture one of those Dinner bell triangles that you often see in Westerns.

Diamond_Dinner_Triangle_3464_main

I was too lazy for an explanation on how this works so I grabbed one from google images.  After a loose vagina encounter the obvious approach is to start coming up with jokes to tell your friends when you guys settle down for your weekly Modern Warfare II night.  But what happens if you start dating this young lady?  Will you be able to make such an admission in front of your friends?  Is this viscous ailment curable?  Fear not young padawans, uncle Jason is here to help.

Kegles

This exercise, along with all of it’s counterparts, is probably the cheapest way to turn that saarlac pit into a snake burrow.  You can present kegles in a completely innocent manner, follow this example.  Buy a book or video on Kegle exercises as a gift for your girlfriend.  When she hits you with “WTF dog you don’t think my pussy is tight enough?”  you can hit back with “Oh shit homegirl, I thought I was buying you the Thigh Master DvD you mentioned.”

CHunxThighmaster

It’s a flawless way to stay out of the dog house while planting a seed.

Vinegar

“I dip my finger in vinegar then give er the ol’ pinky and it tightens right up” –  Dave the trailer park guy

absolue052

When we were in 8th grade we’d often get random bits of advice from a weird guy who lived in the trailer near my friend Ron’s house.  And although we laughed at lessons like this, I haven’t met a female who told me that this method does not work.  Ladies, if you’re going to call bullshit I’ll need pics and video – thanks.

Larger Penis

Is it all possible that the problem lies with you and not her?  Probably not, but we’ll go there just in case.

Julian-McMahon-nt03

“Well doc it feels like I’m slamming my junk into a bottomless bowl of jell-o.”  Hypothetically: Let’s say your GF hasn’t been passed around like a J at a 311 concert.  Yet for some reason, you still feel like a Q-Tip in a Coke bottle.  I’ll tell you from experience that pills and pumps are a joke.  As a last resort you can get snipped and stretched.

Conclusion:

grope

I put my hand up on y0 hip, when I dip you dip we dip

Let’s face it, your girlfriend has seen more meat whistles than a urinal at Yankees stadium.  At least now you can embrace this touchy situation with additional knowledge.  Remember, you can always turn toward surgery if you’re not big on confrontation.  However, it’d probably be cheaper to just swap that catchers mit for another.