Name: Harry Bush
Age (at the time): 19

The night began at a friends house and mostly consisted of drinking Olympics of sorts. Beer pong, quarters, you name it we played it. This seemed like a typical drinking excursion for me, except for the fact that i had forgotten i had taken a shit load of allergy meds that night. This lead me to discover just why exactly they have all the warnings on why not to mix with alcohol.

The party was dying down and i was feeling good. I had a nice buzz and felt like i should keep it going. Now at this point i was too gone to drive so I left my car and enlisted my buddy to drop me off at another party on his way to work(he worked the night shift).

Now i arrive at the other party and immediately start consuming every drink I can get my hands on. I was Kristie Alley in a doughnut eating contest, I couldn’t be stopped. Needless to say I am shit housed at this point and this is where my memory starts to go. Unfortunately I am able to peace together the rest of the night through eyewitness accounts and bits and pieces of my own recollection.

Since I was dropped off I had no ride and walking while I am drunk is something i do best so I headed back to my car(still at the other party). This was a good 4 miles away so about a mile in I decide to take a break. I am close to my friend Jared’s house so I head there. I try calling him but he doesn’t answer so I continue to leave a message. It goes as follows ” hey dude i am outside your house. Wake your ass up and let me in. Man this Asian in a yellow keeps running by!”

Ten minutes later I try him again. This time it goes ” fuck you man,get up and let me in, oh shit theres that curious george man in the yellow hat fucking bastard again, I think he is coming to get me ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Jared never got either of those messages cause apparently I had misdialed for my friend jamee, but she has them saved and I still go back every now and just to remind myself of this night.

This part I remember, and it consisted of me screaming and chasing the man in yellow for a good ten minutes. He was scared shitless and if you by some chance read this then I apologize.

Eventually I make it back to my car, only its not there. This is where things start to deteriorate quick. My car is gone and my phone is dying. I needed to get to an outlet fast so I begin the walk to the nearest thing I can think of, McDonalds. When I get there I must have passed out in one of the booths because when i awoke I was surrounded by homeless people. I am very confused at this point mainly because I only have one shoe on and to this day i have no idea what happened to the other one. So I begin talking to the homeless guy next to me and explain my situation. Well anyways he felt so bad for me that he bought me an egg mcmuffin. It was probably the most delicious egg mcmuffin of my life.

As soon as I got a charge in my phone I got a call from my friend who apparently took my keys the night before and took my car for a joyride. He came and dropped it off soon after leaving it smelling like mix between stripper and vomit. I never did learn exactly what he used my car for that night.

Dear Harry, you’re a real piece of work. What kind of person makes a bum buy them food? You realize that he probably spent every last cent he had, just to hook you up right? But wait, you were surrounded when you woke up? Oh dear…That Egg McMuffin could have just been his way of saying “sorry about what we did to your pooper.” Anyway, good luck getting the puke smell out of your car.