As you all may have heard, there’s a rumor circulating the internet that Glenn Beck, a conservative pundit noted for suggesting untrue things without evidence, raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. Coincidence? Perhaps. But as Gawker will point out, Glenn Beck has yet to deny raping and murdering a young girl in 1990. In fact, rather than deny it, he has decided to avoid denying it by trying at several levels to shut down the website romantic englishwoman the free download that suggests he might have and points out he hasn’t denied it. We decided to go a step further, having the scruples we’ve got, and came up with these seven reasons Glenn Beck would have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

He Hasn’t Denied It

The first reason it is entirely possible Glenn Beck raped and Killed a young girl in 1990 is that he hasn’t denied it. Supposing the rumor is true, the first thing guilty politicians, celebrities, and other public figures do when encountered with something like this is deny it. The same is true with public figures faced with scathing, untrue rumors. Glenn Beck hasn’t denied raping and murdering a young girl in 1990, so we’re left with one conclusion. Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990 and, cutting his losses, doesn’t want to lie and say he didn’t, for fear of getting a couple extra days added onto any jail time when he’s sentenced for raping and murdering a young girl in 1990.

She Reminded Him Of His Mother

Glenn Beck, being the sick bastard he is, could have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990 because she reminded him of his mother. According to evidence we may or may not have, Glenn Beck’s mother was a hideous, abusive woman who would berate and beat him nightly. Glenn Beck, being the sick fuck he is, is rumored to have been turned on by this. It is entirely possible that an incredibly ugly young girl began throwing stones at Glenn Beck, and beating him with a stick to show her well-founded hatred for him. Images of his mother could have flashed through his head, turning him on. We theorize it is at this point that Glenn Beck might have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

She Reminded Him Of His Father

Glenn Beck, being the sick bastard he is, could have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990 because she reminded him of his father. According to evidence we may or may not have, Glenn Beck’s father was a hideous, abusive he-man who would berate and beat him nightly. Glenn Beck, being the sick fuck he is, is rumored to have been turned on by this. It is entirely possible that an incredibly ugly young girl began throwing stones at Glenn Beck, and beating him with a stick to show her well-founded hatred for him. Images of his father could have flashed through his head, turning him on. We theorize it is at this point that Glenn Beck might have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

She Made Him Snap

Glenn Beck could have been having an intelligent conversation with an 18 year old woman about George Bush’s policies. And as we all know, Glenn Beck is a placid man, difficult to anger. The poor girl could have said the wrong thing at the wrong moment, like ‘Would you like a glass of water, Mr. Beck?’ and sent him teetering over the edge. At that point, Glenn Beck might have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

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Glenn Beck could have been out walking around when approached by a poor young journalist. She may have heard a rumor and, doing her job, she asked him if he raped and murdered a young girl in 1980. Glenn Beck probably denied it, and asked her to walk with him. He could have led her to the woods where he raped and murdered her in 1990 and hid the body.

He Actually Just Murdered Her

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Maybe he was about to have sex with an under-aged prostitute in 1990, and poor flaccid Glenn Beck couldn’t get it up. He might never have actually got around to sex with the prostitute. Embarrassed by his soldier’s unwillingness to salute, he might have straight up murdered the young girl. Then he could have cut her into tiny pieces, put her in Ziploc bags, and heaved bags of her at pedestrians from the top of an apartment building.

He Didn’t

It is entirely possible Glenn Beck didn’t rape and murder a young woman in 1990. In fact, let’s take that stance for a little while, we’ll come to his defense. Below is a YouTube video of Glenn Beck denying these allegations:

Actually, sorry folks, it seems Glenn Beck has yet to deny these allegations. If he did, though, a video of it would totally be right there.