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7 Reasons Glenn Beck Would Have…

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As you all may have heard, there’s a rumor circulating the internet that Glenn Beck, a conservative pundit noted for suggesting untrue things without evidence, raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. Coincidence? Perhaps. But as Gawker will point out, Glenn Beck has yet to deny raping and murdering a young girl in 1990. In fact, rather than deny it, he has decided to avoid denying it by trying at several levels to shut down the website romantic englishwoman the free download that suggests he might have and points out he hasn’t denied it. We decided to go a step further, having the scruples we’ve got, and came up with these seven reasons Glenn Beck would have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

He Hasn’t Denied It
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The first reason it is entirely possible Glenn Beck raped and Killed a young girl in 1990 is that he hasn’t denied it. Supposing the rumor is true, the first thing guilty politicians, celebrities, and other public figures do when encountered with something like this is deny it. The same is true with public figures faced with scathing, untrue rumors. Glenn Beck hasn’t denied raping and murdering a young girl in 1990, so we’re left with one conclusion. Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990 and, cutting his losses, doesn’t want to lie and say he didn’t, for fear of getting a couple extra days added onto any jail time when he’s sentenced for raping and murdering a young girl in 1990.

She Reminded Him Of His Mother
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Glenn Beck, being the sick bastard he is, could have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990 because she reminded him of his mother. According to evidence we may or may not have, Glenn Beck’s mother was a hideous, abusive woman who would berate and beat him nightly. Glenn Beck, being the sick fuck he is, is rumored to have been turned on by this. It is entirely possible that an incredibly ugly young girl began throwing stones at Glenn Beck, and beating him with a stick to show her well-founded hatred for him. Images of his mother could have flashed through his head, turning him on. We theorize it is at this point that Glenn Beck might have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

She Reminded Him Of His Father
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Glenn Beck, being the sick bastard he is, could have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990 because she reminded him of his father. According to evidence we may or may not have, Glenn Beck’s father was a hideous, abusive he-man who would berate and beat him nightly. Glenn Beck, being the sick fuck he is, is rumored to have been turned on by this. It is entirely possible that an incredibly ugly young girl began throwing stones at Glenn Beck, and beating him with a stick to show her well-founded hatred for him. Images of his father could have flashed through his head, turning him on. We theorize it is at this point that Glenn Beck might have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

She Made Him Snap
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Glenn Beck could have been having an intelligent conversation with an 18 year old woman about George Bush’s policies. And as we all know, Glenn Beck is a placid man, difficult to anger. The poor girl could have said the wrong thing at the wrong moment, like ‘Would you like a glass of water, Mr. Beck?’ and sent him teetering over the edge. At that point, Glenn Beck might have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

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Glenn Beck could have been out walking around when approached by a poor young journalist. She may have heard a rumor and, doing her job, she asked him if he raped and murdered a young girl in 1980. Glenn Beck probably denied it, and asked her to walk with him. He could have led her to the woods where he raped and murdered her in 1990 and hid the body.

He Actually Just Murdered Her

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Maybe he was about to have sex with an under-aged prostitute in 1990, and poor flaccid Glenn Beck couldn’t get it up. He might never have actually got around to sex with the prostitute. Embarrassed by his soldier’s unwillingness to salute, he might have straight up murdered the young girl. Then he could have cut her into tiny pieces, put her in Ziploc bags, and heaved bags of her at pedestrians from the top of an apartment building.

He Didn’t

It is entirely possible Glenn Beck didn’t rape and murder a young woman in 1990. In fact, let’s take that stance for a little while, we’ll come to his defense. Below is a YouTube video of Glenn Beck denying these allegations:

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Actually, sorry folks, it seems Glenn Beck has yet to deny these allegations. If he did, though, a video of it would totally be right there.

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27 Comments
  • mightymouse
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #1

    This has got to be the worst thing i have ever read in my entire 64 years on this planet. Very sick person that wrot this.

    • Cat
      October 4, 2009
      Reply


      #2

      Yikes, scary stuff! Let’s hope he didn’t do it…

  • shutthefup
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #3

    This needs to be taken off of digg.com, this is neither news nor worth reading even if you dont like Glenn. This posting is disgusting and nothing should ever be written like this about anyone. I may not like Obama for various reasons, but i would never write something so uncouth.

    • I dunno
      September 17, 2009
      Reply


      #4

      I dunno, .. I kinda digg it!

    • Alyssa Myers
      October 3, 2009
      Reply


      #5

      Quit yer whining pansy.

  • John Scrovak
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #6

    Thank you, mightymouse. I take great pride in what I do. You have no idea how difficult it is to be such a dick, it really is a life style!

  • Soren
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #7

    Glenn Beck is smoking cigars rolled with $100 bills while the authors of this page are living in their mom’s basement. The man has almost singlehandedly destroyed the popularity of the Obama administration, and founded a movement that makes Ron Paul fans look positively lazy. Beck may be a kook in his own right, but he absolutely pwns digg and lib-kiddie ridicule like this.

    • John Scrovak
      September 17, 2009
      Reply


      #8

      I live in *Your* mom’s basement, tyvm. Care to know how I pay my rent? ;-)

  • Tizz
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #9

    Why mightmouse?

    Glenn Beck gives americans a bad name and is a complete moron.

    I’m from the Uk and people who acutaly know who this person is can’t realy believe someone who’s this much of a dick and a just a moron is aloud to be on the tv feeding faulse information to people.

    If just one person believes some of the crap that comes out of this guys mouth then the tv networks are realy fking up lol.

    His stance on video games is an easy example…

    I could go on, but i’m gona outside for a bit.. la la laaaa

  • Libertarian
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #10

    I for one, love it!

    Does a great job in capturing the liberal mindset and the wretched tactics they use to spread there fear mongering and hate…

    The last couple of months have exposed the underlying vile side of these self hating puppets in a way I couldn’t even begin to describe.

    The new part-line of attacking fellow Americans is got to be one of the brightest ideas I have yet encountered…

    They have done far more damage to the liberal party then I ever could.

    In conclusion; i applaud your disgusting antics and vile articles; as you have proven my point without even going through the motions of a discussion.

  • Jim Clark
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #11

    nah, it’s more like he “pwns” you.

  • Droogs
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #12

    I find it appalling that Glenn Beck could do such an act. Besides the constant whining, crying, bitching, and false information that spews out of his mouth, I’m surprised he had the time to rape a murder a girl in 1990.

    Perhaps he was assisted by someone, let me take a direct quote from someone who was there.

    [Dr. Emmett Brown is doubting Glenn Beck's story about that he raped and murder a girl in 1990]
    Dr. Emmett Brown: Then tell me, “Glenn Beck”, who’s President in the United States in 2009?
    Glenn Beck: Barack Obama.
    Dr. Emmett Brown: Barack Obama? The Kenyan?
    [chuckles in disbelief]
    Dr. Emmett Brown: Did you rape and murder a girl in 1990 Glenn Beck??
    [rushing out and down a hill toward his laboratory]
    Dr. Emmett Brown: I suppose you did!
    Glenn Beck: [following Doc] Whoa! Wait! Doc!
    Dr. Emmett Brown: You haven’t denied it yet.
    Glenn Beck: [outside the lab door] Doc, you gotta listen to me.
    Dr. Emmett Brown: [opens the door to the lab] I’ve had enough of you for one evening. Good night, Rape Boy!
    [closes the door leaving Glenn outside]
    Glenn Beck: No, wait! Doc. Doc. The-the-the bruise – the bruise on her head. I know how that happened! I told you the whole story. I was standing in the park, and she was walking by, and I snapped, and I hit her in the head with a bat. And that’s when I raped her in 1990.
    [somberly]
    Glenn Beck: Which… is what makes the rape and murder allegations possible.
    [Doc opens the door and looks at Glenn with a stunned look on his face]

  • told ya so
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #13

    News tip: some people are so daft that they require the verbal equivalent of a 2 by 4 full of rusty nails beating them in their naughty bits to jostle them into wakefulness. So I say, “Keep up the crotch smashing, you shining soldier of satire!”

    • John Scrovak
      September 17, 2009
      Reply


      #14

      I think I’ll frame that and put it on my wall :-D

  • voiceofreason
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #15

    Even though I totally get your extreme angled point, I feel sorry for those who get a kick out of this or agree in some sick way. Stop spinning around with your head stuck in the sand. Instead, stand up, open your eyes, and look beyond your surroundings. Pay attention, do some home work and help solve the problems of this great country. Otherwise you will slide further down the slope and pretty soon, you’ll approve of prostituting underage girls like Acorn. Slamming Glenn Beck is just stupid. Instead, challenge yourself and just watch his show for 1 full week.

    And please… take this off of Digg, it really is ridiculous.

    • told ya so
      September 17, 2009
      Reply


      #16

      oh, voice of reason, thank you for showing us the error of our ways! From here on, I will quit volunteering literally my every free moment to helping kids at my local elementary school learn to read and instead I will stay home and watch Glenn Beck. That will be way more challenging! Thanks so much!

  • Robert Brockway
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #17

    Yes, I agree. This unrelated website should use their Internet Control Panel to go onto Digg and hit the Remove button.

    I’m a Conservative, and I understand how things work!

    • Yeah, okay
      September 17, 2009
      Reply


      #18

      Sure ya do buddy.

  • kiska79
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #19

    If this is true, I plan to stop texting in my vote for him. A child raper/murderer will never by MY American Idol.

  • GetOverIt
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #20

    Conservatives hate it that America is ignoring them. Now see them go into frothing fits when someone attacks their de facto leader. Herr Glen Beck’s new decayed Joker face has really captured both his soul and their spirit of their movement. Well done.

  • Christine
    September 17, 2009
    Reply


    #21

    Fantastic John, I love the article!

  • houroc
    September 21, 2009
    Reply


    #22

    So much hate on this article…. I thought it was pretty funny though…Shake the hate off John

  • 2sayf
    September 22, 2009
    Reply


    #23

    There are some eerie coincidences that should be addressed by Beck http://wp.me/sBfFK-beckrape … Instead of denying the allegations he tried covering them up and when that failed http://wp.me/pBfFK-94 he started suing people. If there wasn’t one shred of truth in the allegations then how do you explain Sean Hannity trying to distance himself from Beck by actually leaking photos of himself carousing with hookers at a brothel in Vegas? http://wp.me/pBfFK-bI

  • Demonfafa
    September 22, 2009
    Reply


    #24

    It’s amazing that no one’s actually gotten the joke.

    It’s not that anyone is actually claiming (fer realz) that Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990…. it’s that you can say any lie and have it circulated and repeated enough times that it becomes facts in the minds of the public. This is simply taking a tactic of Beck and many of his brethren and shoving it back in their faces.

    Then again, I wouldn’t expect the average reader of this website to actually be savvy enough to figure that one out.

    • anon
      September 22, 2009
      Reply


      #25

      It’s called a meme and most of the regular readers here get it. The comments are all from Digg.com pussies.

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