Name: Andrew Mattson
Age (at the time): 16
It was St patties day in a one red light town. I asked my aunt if i could throw a party at her house she agreed and we started calling people and accruing beer. It ended up turning into a big party by word of mouth and after we ran outta beer and other drinks. My buddies and I were wasted outta our minds but i didn’t want the party to stop just yet so I broke into my aunts liquor cabinet and brought out a brand new gallon jug of rum figuring to make some rum and cokes.
We never could find any coke so I started filling up solo cups to the brim and handing them out. No one would drink them so to show that i wasn’t scared i chugged two cups.
After that I got tucker max drunk and started puking on people and my aunts brand new leather furniture. Right after I puke on her furniture aunt Sue wakes up to see if everything is going alright. As she is walking in my brother doesn’t know whether or not he should dive on the puke and act as if he is sleeping to cover it or fess up. Before she sees the puke I full on tackle her she is small (poor woman). She sees the puke and hates me even more. I woke up next to my buddy in our underwear covered in puke cuddling with the toilet.
I failed to mention earlier that my friend has a very religious mother and to get my buddy to come and party I had to agree to go to church the next day. After I woke up I drove home and threw my clothes away. I ate a bowl of chicken soup went the the bathroom and proceeded to shuke (shitting and puking simultaneously).
After my shuke I drove to church without showering. I sat down next to my friends father who said I looked like death and smelled like the bathroom of a brewery. I ran out of the church 4 times to go puke and dry heave
During the 15 minute part of church where everyone passes the word of god the pastor and a whole bunch of old ladies asked me what I did the night before and why I would come to church smelling so badly and hungover.
My aunt eventually did forgive me.
Dear Andrew, when someone allows you to use their house as a place to party, it’s a good idea not to go all Terry Tate on them. Also, when you’ve been puking all night, consider a shower the following morning.