Mmm panties.  Not the best thing on earth, but definitely next to the best thing on earth.  Today we’re going to teach you kids how to read moods based solely upon the panties your girlfriend is wearing.

Granny Panties – “I look like shit because I’m on my period, don’t touch me.  Also you won’t get laid tonight.  Hell, even the thought of blowing you right now makes me sick.  Rub my swollen feet.”

Boy Shorts – “I need to run some errands today, but I’m down to cruise by for a quickie at lunch.”

Thongs – “I’m going out tonight with the girls.  If I don’t come home it’s because another man is putting his penis in me.”

Low Rise – “I really want to go to the gym, but if you do something awesome for me, I might play a few rounds of Wii fit (while you watch).”

Crotchless – “I’m ovulating like a mother fucker.  Please take a viagra tonight.”