Some of us do not have the luxury of owning a nice house and a private swimming pool. This means that when summer heats up and we feel the need to crank out a few laps via the complex swimming pool, chances are we won’t be alone. Here’s our list of disastrous folks you’ll probably end up bumping into this summer at the pool.
The Family Who Doesn’t Even Live There – Most complex swimming pools are surrounded with some sort of fence which can be entered via locked gate. You know you’re in for a treat when you see an entire family standing at the front gate watching one of their children climb the fence so they can unlock it from the inside.
Your quiet day of floating on a raft just turned into a scene from ‘Jaws the Revenge’. Only this family is louder and tends to speak in Spanish.
The Emotional Teenager – Every single word that comes out of this kid’s mouth will be at a window shattering decibel. It’s almost like watching kids play freeze tag, only in the water and they’d be equipped with megaphones. They can take simple game of Marco Polo and make it sound like they’re storming the fucking beach of Normandy. They’re also usually the first ones to bust their ass on the wet concrete right in front of the ‘No Running’ sign.
The House Wife With No Social Life – This lady uses the pool as an escape from her everyday life. In short, she’ll hone in on you like a sidewinder missile and tell you everything about her life, from soccer practice to her impotent husband.
Unfortunately this lady still has her morals so hitting her with lines like “You can call me Pinocchio. Just sit on my nose and I’ll tell you lies” probably won’t work.
The Creepy Guy Who Is Only There to Look at High School Girls – This person is in his mid to late 30′s and lives in the complex with his mother. You know, the typical “I would have my own place but I have to take care of my mom” type of guy. You can’t blame a guy at glancing at a 17 year old with huge tits, you can judge them for gawking though.
Every Single Kid Under Age 12 – Kids under 12 are brutal. For starters, you know for a fact that none of them will get out to use the bathroom. They’re also the ones who can pound out cannon balls all day long and never get tired. Seriously, if you see a herd of children heading for the pool, the only logical choice is to leave.
The Mom With The Baby – I know we probably look like gigantic assholes for adding a mother and a baby to the list; allow us to explain. A lot of moms absolutely will not stfu about their baby. This lady is sort of like the house wife, but worse because she thinks she’s awesome (due to the fact that she squirted out a kid).
Also, unlike the regular annoying kids who piss in the pool, babies can and will actually shit in the pool. When you add these together what you’ve got is a loaded shit cannon, just wading around looking for compliments.