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5 Landmarks in the Evolution of Animated…

In modern society it is fairly easy to watch your favorite 3D gang bangs with just a few mouse clicks.  Simply hit Red Tube with keywords “3D” or “Hentai” and enjoy yourself.  It wasn’t always that easy though.  In fact, animated porn has hit a few major milestones to become the awesomeness that it is.  Today we’re going to look at a few of said milestones.

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The Enchanted Drawing –  In the year 1900 the first ever animated short, the Enchanted Drawing was released and hailed as the very first animation by today’s standards. Starring, and directed by, J. Stuart Blackton, this short was released during the time of silent films, in the days of Charlie Chaplan. Edison_1900_12Even by today’s standard, The Enchanted Drawing pretty much kicked ass. Using the stop-motion film technique (and a pencil), Blackton drew a man on a display canvas, the kind used in awkward family games of Pictionary all around the world. See it here

The effect this cartoon had on the cartoon industry, and the world, was astounding. It actually served as the cornerstone to the industry, which is now responsible for almost every Disney movie ever released, the majority of kid’s shows, several networks, and the horrific fuck-upery of the cartoons we all loved as kids, which you’ll see in a later entry…

El Apóstol – The next entry on the list is El Apostol. We know, just as un pornographic as it sounds, this little bit was about an Argentinean monk. Bendazzi2Ok, so we may not be as good at segues as we are at Segways, but we digress. El Apóstol was released in November of 1917 and produced by Frederico Valle. Created in Argentina, El Apóstol is officially the world’s first animated feature film, as opposed to The Enchanted Image, which was technically a ‘short.’ But Fritz-The-Cat was a sort of Heathcliff meets Hugh Heffner. The plot centers around Fritz escaping from the cops, lovingly portrayed by actually animated pigs in this cartoon, after he gangbangs the catnip out of 3 underage female cats in his friends bathtub during a party. While running, he smokes a lot of pot, drinks a lot of booze, sets his college dorm on fire. Then he nails a prostitute-turned-drug dealer in an alley, and is privy to the rape of another female cat. He objects, gets candle-slapped, then decides its fine, so he gives her his coat and goes off to blow up a power plant. fritz_the_catWhen he gets an urge to remove the dynamite and play the nice guy, it blows up in his face. He realizes he should just stick to drinkin’ and fuckin’ and let the world try to solve its own damn problems. Then he nails the first 3 cats again, in his hospital bed. And yes, there was a sequel. You can see the first 10 minutes here

When this movie came out in 1972, it grossed over $100 million in the first week. For comparison, that’s $32 million less than The Godfather, and about 1/10 of The Dark Night world gross. That’s without factoring in inflation. Needless to say, those damned hippies of the ‘70s loved their cat porn!

Remember how we told you we were going to fuck up the cartoons and fairy tales you loved as a kid? Well hold on to your seats, because here it cums (Sorry, we SO had to do that).

Once Upon A Girl – Four years after Fritz the Cat makes his film debut, we have Once Upon A Girl enter the scene. Just as dirty as it sounds, this animated porno follows around an old lady on her torrid sexual conquests. Nasty huh? Oh wait, did we forget to mention what these conquests involved? Sorry. The old hag pretended to be Mother Goose (the sweet old gander from fairy tales) and ran getting Little Red Riding Hood, Jack (of Jack and the Beanstalk fame), Cinderella, and Snow White to nail each other. And it happened to be from the creators of Scooby Doo.

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Go ahead, try to ever read a fairy tale the same way again. We dare you. Click here for a more clean clip:  What could possibly be worse than all your nursery rhymes fucked up by Mother Goose chasing all that fairy tail? (Do you see what we did there?)

La Blue Girl - How could this not make the list? La Blue Girl, a Japanese Hentai anime and manga series. Dream_of_the_fishermans_wife_hokusaiFor those readers not versed in Japanese culture, Hentai is Japanese animated porn. Anime is animation (obviously), and manga is a super-thick comic book. The reason manga are so renowned in American culture is for their raw pornographic content. What makes this particular series so important to our list is Britain’s absolute refusal to translate it. They wouldn’t because they claimed it was far too graphic and the censors agreed. Why? Two words: tentacle rape.  That’s right, La Blue Girl, released in 1987, was the first series to delve heavily into tentacle rape, profoundly into it. Granted, there were artistic tentacle sex paintings and drawings from as early as… 1814!? WhatthefuckJapan!? Well, in keeping with tradition, Japan maintains it’s early onset concept of ‘flood the world with really weird shit.’ Here’s a NSFW clip from the video, the cleanest we could find. Don’t worry, no tentacles.

Well folks, pretty much nothing after tentacle rape could be considered all that new or great at all. Because seriously, once you’ve seen that, nothing could freak you out more.

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