Regretful Morning

The 5 types of pet owners who don’t pick up dog shit

Posted June 3rd, 2009 at 11:23 am by

Being a dog owner in the city means you have to commit to an additional responsibility.

I will pick up the turd that just fell from my dog’s ass and place it into the trash.


Most dog owners understand that no one wants to see or step in a steaming triple rattler.  However, we’re starting to witness a growing trend of dog owners who see this rule as “optional.”  Just to clarify: This rule is not optional.

We’ve put together a small list of offenders.  Don’t be afraid to call them out loudly.  It’s the law.

I Didn’t See Anything -  While everyone at the dog park is playing fetch or tug, this person will walk by with his dog(s) without a care in the world.  As soon as one of his pets starts to shit in front of everyone, he will quickly look in the opposite direction and continue speed walking.  Sure you can chase him down and be like “dude go clean that up…” but by then he can counter with “that wasn’t mine bro.”


Pretend To Get A Bag – This person will notice that he and his dog have been spotted making a mess.  Without hesitation he will approach the turd and act as if he were searching for a bag (sort of like when you realize you that you don’t have your wallet at the check out counter).  Then he will say something out loud like “damn I must have forgotten it in the car.  Comon boy, let’s go get the bags!”  Once he reaches his car, he will get in and drive off, leaving the offensive pile for some 7 year old kid to step in.


The Blatant Asshole – This guy will probably be on a cell phone talking loudly.  While his dog does the deed he’ll continue talking, then just stroll off like it never happened.  Confronting this type of dog owner isn’t fun because he will inform you that he’s on a very important call.  This person’s dog is more important than every other human on the planet.  He can shit where and when he wants.


I’m Too Rich Lady – The rich lady doesn’t usually walk her own dog, so when nature calls she’ll probably be ill prepared.  Unlike the blatant asshole, this may not be a bad person at all.  Their mindset is usually “don’t I pay someone to do this? I’m sure those men in orange vests, who are mowing all of the lawns will take care of it soon.”


The Dude Who Just Smoked A Bowl - You can’t really be mad at this guy even if his dog just destroyed a walk way.  Although he’s fully aware what his dog is doing, he’ll be far too fascinated with his surroundings to take the next step.


Conclusion: 1 out of 5 pet owners have weed.  Try blackmail.

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Around The Web

  • Patrice
    June 4, 2009


    Very realistic. Those types of pet owners do really exists.

  • I NEVER scoop
    June 4, 2009


    This might shock you but DOG SHIT IS BIODEGRADABLE! Yeah, that’s right, the next time it rains it will be gone. If you can’t handle that stay off the grass while me and my doggy poop, poop, poop away!!!

  • houroc
    June 6, 2009


    LoL…. gotta be careful with what you say about the stoners… if you woulda came down harder on them you woulda gotten blasted…. good stuff though.. gonna link up to it…

  • Aws
    August 21, 2009



  • Chemicaltomb
    August 21, 2009


    … who the **** spent the time writing this? who gives a crap? why dont u just watch were u step???

  • Ronald Mourant
    August 21, 2009


    I saw a dog owner pick up the poop and then put in down a sewer drain! This way it goes into your river!

  • hicculus
    August 21, 2009


    type #6: “It’s not my dog”

  • UpDog
    August 21, 2009


    “I NEVER Scoop” thank you for this information, You should be sure to remember that next time someone comes over to your house and shits in the hall way… it will wash away the next time rain falls…. because using that rationalization is a whole new way to look at life.

  • DAVE02657
    August 22, 2009


    These laws are absurd. I will never pick up after my dog. Not only does it degrade naturally, but with little doubt, there will be rain that will “flush” it away. And don’t give me any “crap” about bacteria and disease. If that’s such a concern then just why are these prohibitions not enforced against cats – millions of which have never seen a leash and defecate mega-tons daily as they run freely. You don’t like it? Well then YOU carry the plastic bags and pick up after my dog – because I will never.

    • anon
      August 22, 2009


      Hope I never catch you either.

    • anon2
      August 22, 2009


      Cats bury their shit. Dogs generally do not. That’s the difference. Quit being a dick and pick up after your dog.

  • Poophater
    August 22, 2009


    And the best part of each and every one of these people is….they all exist and WILLINGLY let their pooches crap in retail pet stores. I’ve been in retail pet for 10+ years and every single day this happens at least once. And then some poor bastard comes along behind, steps in it and travels all around the store with it, tracking it down one aisle and into the next. And that’s about the time the smell kicks in. Sure, it’s one thing to drop a deuce outside, where the smell can (at least kind of) blow away in the breeze. Indoors; we’re all stuck with it. Just clean it up. I don’t care WHOSE it is, I just don’t want to deal with your fluffy child’s golden log.

    • anon
      August 22, 2009


      That’s just wrong.

  • Mat
    August 22, 2009


    Picking up after your dog is modernism gone too far. Watch were you step and if you step in it, hey shit happens. It brings luck as we say in France.

  • Will B.
    August 23, 2009


    There is exactly one kind of dog owner who doesn’t pick up his dog’s crap: the selfish asshole dumbfuck who is far to irresponsible to own a dog in the first place. Clean up after your dog, or trade your dog in for a goldfish. It’s that simple.

    And for those “But it’ll wash away in the rain!” morons, I have no desire to walk past the same festering pile of crap on the sidewalk in front of my apartment, with flies swarming around it, every day for a week until it finally rains, just because you’re too much of an idiot to contemplate what the sidewalk would look like if everyone was as much of a slovenly, immature dickwad as you.


  • Shane Gordon
    August 23, 2009


    Geez. A bunch of fucking prudes here.

    It’s DOG SHIT. Get over it and quit being a fucking puss about it. It’s nature. Every other land animal shits on the ground and you don’t seen to mind, it’s just the animals we “own” that you all seem to bitch about.

    Get a fucking life. Dog shit IS biodegradable, most human shit does not sit so well with the environment. Next time you walk amongst some flowers, some animals probably did that. Next time you walk next to a landfill, that was YOUR fucking fault!

  • case
    August 23, 2009



    so ben t out of shape about a pile of shit. here’s a tip, look where you walk. put down your smart phone that you are oh-so-interested in using to check the your fukkin tweets and look where your feet are going. It’s not hard to spot a pile of dog shit.

    and you know what? if you step in it, it takes all of 30 seconds to drag your foot in the grass and wipe it off.

    There’s two kinds of people in this world, those who let shit get them down, and those that ignore it and move on, after all, it’s just a little shit.

  • Seeth Brundle
    August 24, 2009


    Weird, it is very rare I see dog owners not pick up their dog’s poop – maybe its just the neighborhoods I have lived in.

    I remember as a kid growing up in the 70′s and 80′s, dog shit was EVERYWHERE.

    You always had to pay attention to where you were stepping on the sidewalk.

  • tbird
    August 24, 2009


    I live in Texas, we don’t pick up dog crap

  • S. R.
    August 25, 2009


    That is too funny!! I definitely pick up after ym dog but there are places in NYC covered in dog poop.

    Here’s a pic of the little fella…vote for him if you think he’s cute!

  • mike
    August 28, 2009


    I beat up 6 people and went to jail for this shit (no pun). I cant afford to pay thier medical bills or go to jail anymore so i let my nephew and his friends bea the shit out of the owners or break their windows. What i dont get is when they walk thier dogs..they dont pick up after them. But when i walk my dog and he shits on thier lawns..they get upset about it and confront me. Then I ask them if they dont like it why do they let thier dogs shit on others lawn? Its usually while they explain is when i beat the shit out of them (no pun). I stopped that now since i can afford to pay the fines anymore. fucking white people are lame

  • Carlos
    January 5, 2010


    I confront these assholes when I see them and make sure anyone within earshot can hear the entire exchange. Also, if I know who the person is and where they live, I take a huge steaming shit right on their front doorstep any opportunity I get.

  • kinderegg
    February 24, 2010


    Fuck that we have all stepped in shit. It sucks. Take some goddamn responsiblity for your fucking dog. I own a dog and I have picked up every piece of shit that rat bastard has laid. Dog shit is a legitamite health hazard.

  • freewilly
    April 13, 2011


    Well I for one do pick up my dog’s shit, however for the governments and people bitching about global warming or protect the environment activists. Dog shit is just like manure that farmers use to grow your precious vegetables and make your wonderful coffee tastes. Besides aren’t they the ones bitching about plastic bags taking millions of years to decompose? Either these people get their shit straight and quit hugging trees or learn the proper way of recycling.

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