Being a dog owner in the city means you have to commit to an additional responsibility.

I will pick up the turd that just fell from my dog’s ass and place it into the trash.


Most dog owners understand that no one wants to see or step in a steaming triple rattler.  However, we’re starting to witness a growing trend of dog owners who see this rule as “optional.”  Just to clarify: This rule is not optional.

We’ve put together a small list of offenders.  Don’t be afraid to call them out loudly.  It’s the law.

I Didn’t See Anything –  While everyone at the dog park is playing fetch or tug, this person will walk by with his dog(s) without a care in the world.  As soon as one of his pets starts to shit in front of everyone, he will quickly look in the opposite direction and continue speed walking.  Sure you can chase him down and be like “dude go clean that up…” but by then he can counter with “that wasn’t mine bro.”


Pretend To Get A Bag – This person will notice that he and his dog have been spotted making a mess.  Without hesitation he will approach the turd and act as if he were searching for a bag (sort of like when you realize you that you don’t have your wallet at the check out counter).  Then he will say something out loud like “damn I must have forgotten it in the car.  Comon boy, let’s go get the bags!”  Once he reaches his car, he will get in and drive off, leaving the offensive pile for some 7 year old kid to step in.


The Blatant Asshole – This guy will probably be on a cell phone talking loudly.  While his dog does the deed he’ll continue talking, then just stroll off like it never happened.  Confronting this type of dog owner isn’t fun because he will inform you that he’s on a very important call.  This person’s dog is more important than every other human on the planet.  He can shit where and when he wants.


I’m Too Rich Lady – The rich lady doesn’t usually walk her own dog, so when nature calls she’ll probably be ill prepared.  Unlike the blatant asshole, this may not be a bad person at all.  Their mindset is usually “don’t I pay someone to do this? I’m sure those men in orange vests, who are mowing all of the lawns will take care of it soon.”


The Dude Who Just Smoked A Bowl – You can’t really be mad at this guy even if his dog just destroyed a walk way.  Although he’s fully aware what his dog is doing, he’ll be far too fascinated with his surroundings to take the next step.


Conclusion: 1 out of 5 pet owners have weed.  Try blackmail.

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