The 5 Stages Of A Cross Country Road Trip
June 15, 2009 · Print This Article
Summer is finally here, and for a lot of you this means “Road Trip!” A cross country tote with your pals can be euphoric. It’s the perfect blend of testosterone and hetero man-love. Sort of like watching Blackhawk Down while completely blazed.
Unfortunately road trips are also a test of ones patience and the ability to adapt. In our example we’re going to use four males between the ages of 18 and 24 (Brad, Mike, Zeek, and you)
Day 1)
- Distance traveled: 200 miles
- Sites visited: 6
Ooooh man this kicks ass, first road trip with the guys woot! Haha Brad is cranking AC/DC ‘Back in Black’, I love this damn song! Ahhh Zeek just ripped a fart hahahah soooo funny.
Day 2)
- Distance traveled: 250 miles
- Sites visited: 5
Mike is drooling like a mofo hah. He’s gonna wake up looking like Stormy Daniels after a facial scene. Good one Zeek! Damn that was loud but smelly, roll down a window bro. “Back in Black doo doo doo”. Awesome we’re at the giant elephant!
Day 3)
- Distance traveled: 320 miles
- Sites visited: 3
I swear to god Zeek shit his pants. There is no way something that foul could come from a fart. Brad needs to get himself some different CD’s, where the hell is my iPod? Son of a bitch – if Mike drools on my seat one more time he’s getting punched.
Day 4)
- Distance traveled: 550 miles
- Sites visited: 1
That’s it, we need to just leave Zeek at the next rest stop. I can’t take his constant pants shitting anymore. When Brad isn’t looking I’m going to toss his shitty CD out the window. Surprise surprise – Mike just slobbered up my iPod. That’s it, he’s getting punched. Wow that was an over reaction. Cool, he wants to slap box.
Day 5)
- Distance traveled: 900 miles
- Sites visited: 0
OK Zeek, that was the last straw. I’m going to drop my pants and squeeze out a barking spider right in his mouth. Again with AC/DC? Holy shit I’m going insane. WTF did I just put my hand in? Mother fu…. An elbow to the face should teach him a lesson. Damn this is getting heated, looks like we’re pulling over to brawl.
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