Regretful Morning

Inner debate of a girl giving her first college blowjob

Posted June 9th, 2009 at 5:33 pm by

Awhile back we harnessed the technology to read depression levels of emo kids.  We recently decided to modify that technology to read the minds of women. For our first test subject, we used a girl who was performing her first blowjob since she started college.

Stage 1 Results – OK I think by the way he’s pushing my head down he’s telling me that he wants a beej.  I think I can pull this off, I mean I want him to like me right?  Plus he has a beamer.  I wish my ex could see me now, he’d be soooo jealous.  Wow this thing bends to the left, I’ll try to move my head sideways.

youngblonde-blowjob-2

Stage 2 Results – This isn’t too bad, I feel like kind of a slut though…Oh well, I can blame it on the Jell-O shots.  What was his name again?  Mitch?  No it’s Mike, I’m certain it’s Mike.  What does he mean by “play with my balls?”  I guess I’ll just grab on to them for a bit.  Shit, he didn’t like that, my bad.  Ok my jaw is starting to cramp, but like daddy always said “you gotta work hard for what you want” and I really want to date a senior with a BMW!

blowjob

Stage 3 Results – Sweet, he’s starting to breath hard, I knew I was good at this.  I wonder if he’ll ask me to get breakfast in the morning, that would be dope.  I can’t wait to tell the roomie that I’m dating a senior with an awesome car.  Ugg why is he pulling my hair?  Looks like he wants to finish by himself, that’s cool I guess.  Ack why is he still pointing it in my face?  No NO NOOOO I SPENT ALL NIGHT GETTING MY BANGS JUST RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!?  This filthy frat house better have a clean shower,  I look like Peter MacNicol at the end of Ghostbusters II.

gb2-slime

Stage 4 Results – Why is he leaving the room, aren’t we supposed to talk and make plans?  Why did he just say “thanks Britney?”  My name is Brandy, not fucking Britney.  So that’s it, he’s not even going to get me a towel?  I hate college, I want to come home so bad.  I’m calling my ex, he’ll listen to me cry.

crying-sorority-girl

Conclusion: Drunk college girls call their highschool ex boyfriends when depressed.  And, we sort of just ruined the way you’ll see Ghostbuster’s II from here on out.

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15 Comments
  • Wayne
    June 11, 2009
    Reply


    #1

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Nice!

  • Ty
    March 22, 2010
    Reply


    #2

    There is no way that this article, or anything else for that matter, could make Ghostbusters II any worse

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