Beach season can be very exciting. The problem: For the first few weeks, this excitement can be overwhelming – Because up until a few weeks ago, we were only able to see half naked woman from the screen of our PC’s (where it is acceptable to have a monster erection). It’s sort of like seeing a lion at the zoo vs seeing one out in the wild.
We know this transition can be difficult, so we’ve outlined a few tips for you this summer season.
Dig A Hole In The Sand – At the first signs of giant hard-on some of us tend to panic and roll over immediately. This can be painful if not executed properly. And depending on your shorts, there is a possibility of your little buddy getting a sneak peak of some sun light. Stay calm and dig a small hole where your pelvic region meets your towel. This will allow your yogurt slinger to safely and comfortably retract.
Pretend Like You’re Stretching – Stretching at the beach is commonly practiced, so you won’t have to worry about looking awkward. People will think you’re about to go for a jog or a power swim. Hiding a boner will be the last thing on anybodies mind.
Place Beer Between Legs – If you’re in a situation where you’re in a lawn chair, you may not want to lose your seat. Fear not, this is but a perfect opportunity to crack open another cold beer.
The beer can works in two ways.
- It can be used to cover an unwelcome bulge.
- The chilling beer can works as an electric fence when it comes into contact with your penis.
Conclusion: The first few weeks of beach season can be a true testament of one’s willpower and focus. When venturing away from your towel to retrieve more food and beverages, we’d suggest that you keep your line of site directly in front of you. If at anytime you become distracted, just think of this guy.
Camel Toe
Kristine handbra
Nice jugs
Sophie Howard!
Unreal Coco
Upskirt awesomeness
June 24, 2009
#1
Who cares if you have a woody at the beach. Its perfectly natural. Why do americans have to be such prudes about there bodies. Its OK to go to the beach and be 200 lbs overweight with bross buldges everywhere that no body seems to care about but its not ok to have a perfect normal, natural erection?. come on people. Men get hard ons and not allway at the best times.
For some men hiding it isnt a issue but for me, I am well endowed and hiding it nearly impossible shy of laying on my stomach. The beach isnt the only place it happens to men either. I think as long as you are not staring at someone. especially children then you are not being inapropriate. If it bother someone then they shouldnt be looking at your crotch.
June 24, 2009
#2
most guys who think they have a big dick don’t
June 24, 2009
#3
Dude it’s a boner
June 24, 2009
#4
Pics plz <3
June 25, 2009
#5
Skank =]
June 24, 2009
#6
How about be a real man and not worry about concealing your boner. Only fags worry about that shit.
June 24, 2009
#7
11. Stick it in her!
June 24, 2009
#8
Going into the water may be an option if in reach of the ocean. If the cold water doesn’t do the trick than you can stand in the water so you have your lower half of your body hidden. But please be advised that a passing wave may leave you stranded with your woody at full mast, if this is the case collapse both knees so you’ll make a shallow water landing. If you still have a boner when you get back to shore, just wrap your towel around your waste because you’re just pathetic.
June 24, 2009
#9
rub one out before going. problem solved.
June 24, 2009
#10
Interesting post.
June 24, 2009
#11
Uh, I don’t know about u guys, but I think you’d open yourself to mockery having a boner on the beach especially if you’re alone and look like a dork to begin with. People ARE assholes in real life – TRUST ME…
June 24, 2009
#12
Don’t control it, celebrate it. It’s very zen.
June 24, 2009
#13
Email address please!
June 24, 2009
#14
Just go down on yourself! Selfhead, problem solved
June 24, 2009
#15
I dont “Think” i have a big dick. There are bigger ones thats for sure but i have taken note to the fact that i have to buy Magnum XL condoms as they are the only ones that fit. If you do your research on rubbers, Magnum XL is the largest size available. Wrap your small mind around your inability to see the intent of the statement, that was to point out that erections are A- Not always easy to hide and
B- not always necessary to hide it, Like at the beach. Do i think its Big?. i think its would be difficult to hide if thats what i wanted to do
June 25, 2009
#16
a/s/l?
December 30, 2009
#17
Please. Condoms stretch about 50 feet. You don’t need the extra length, it just makes people feel better since they have to buy bigger sizes when all it is is that the condoms that are larger size are already stretched out some.
June 25, 2009
#18
Considering “fags” have about 50-100 times more sex/sexual partners in their lives than straight men (deny it all you like, it’s true), happily frequent naked bars, sex saunas, cruising grounds and nudist beaches… I somehow think your statement “only fags worry about that shit” doesn’t make much sense.
June 25, 2009
#19
the ’s’ is the most significant part of your questions
June 25, 2009
#20
Idk, i love being a lesbian, i can look at all the girls i want, think about doing whatever i want with that girl, and it is still not noticable. =D
June 25, 2009
#21
My strategy is to have a small penis. Problem solved!
June 25, 2009
#22
This is the most pointless article I’ve read this month.
@Ray
People who are overweight get laughed all the time at the beach, just like someone is gonna get laughed at for walking around with a hard on. Also, nobody gives a flying fuck about you or your “giant” cock and your extensive research on condoms.
June 25, 2009
#23
Ray, the fact that you felt the need to reply to an obvious taunt tells us you have a babydick. If you try trimming the hair around the shaft, you can make it look a bit bigger. I’m just sayin’, is all.
June 25, 2009
#24
I shave all the hair off and it still looks like I have a baby dick. Suggestions?
June 26, 2009
#25
I know a coach who may be able to help.
June 26, 2009
#26
Hey, have you seen this news article?
New details about Michael Jackson’s Death Emerge
I was wondering if you were going to blog about this…
June 30, 2009
#27
Magnum condoms are only wider, not longer. It’s been proven by tests as well as stated by the company. Get YOUR facts straight.