Bongs and brownholes, a lovely combo

Name: Alex
Age: 16

This happened the better part of a decade ago when I was still in high-school but still tops my list for most inebriated experiences.

My buddy Greg’s parents had a cabin in Breckenridge and one winter a bunch of the guys I was hanging out with then had planned a snowboarding trip. These guys were all juniors and I was a sophomore so I remember this being one of the first times I’d get to party without having local cops and parents nearby.
Somebody had a booze connect and a bunch of girls were secretly coming up to stay and party with us, so this was looking to be an awesome weekend.

We had Friday off of school for some reason so we drove up that morning and boarded all day. That night was slow because the girls weren’t coming till the next morning and we were waking up early to board again, so I drank a couple beers and played Tony Hawk on the Playstation. We snowboarded all day Saturday before bringing a huge stupid group of irresponsible high-schoolers back to the cabin to party.

Now the thing I haven’t mentioned yet is that we were all going home the next day but I was supposed to be back in Colorado Springs much earlier than everyone else because I had a Sunday rehearsal for the High School play I was in (so I was a drama geek, just don’t give me a bad review.) To remedy my problem I had arranged to have my friend Matt drive me home early for a $20 sum. This deal had allowed me to go on the weekend trip in the first place.

So anyway, Saturday night I couldn’t give a fuck about the next days rehearsal, I’m with my friends, we got booze and girls, no problem. I drink several beers and do several shots with my friends before all the girls arrive at the cabin and I continue doing shots and drinking beers (which my 16 year-old body couldn’t recognize as too much fucking alcohol.) One of the last things I remember is going to a car to smoke a bowl with a couple of girls, I being the only guy who smoked but hadn’t done so in at least a years time. I re-entered the house and begin pouring myself more shots and recall my friend Greg’s exact words, “Hey man, don’t you think you had enough?” And my scoffing, derisive retort was to do another shot before blacking out.

Words cannot describe the next mornings hangover and the walk of shame as everyone that had been there jeered at me the next morning as I left. In the car on the way home my friend Matt filled me in on what kind of antics I’d been up to the night before.

At some point I was wearing nothing but boxers and repeatedly falling down the stairs. When my friend Anna tried to get me to puke so as to settle the fuck down I did so all over her chest. While everyone in the bathroom rushed to help Anna, I was left briefly unattended.

During those few seconds I managed to smash a glass on the floor and roll around in it, which Matt told me explained the cuts I had all over my back and arm. After cleaning Anna of my vomit and me of my own blood, everyone felt it was safe to send me to my room to change my clothes. This only resulted in me turning my boxers around so that my ass was showing through the hole. I fell down the stairs some more and eventually passed out somewhere before being dragged to bed.

Matt took me home and I stood in one spot holding my head and muttering my lines during a full dress rehearsal Sunday morning; and nobody who was there that night will ever forget the sight of my brown-eye though my boxer hole.

Dear Alex, props to you for not giving in when your friends told you to stop drinking.  That’s usually when the best shit happens.