Regretful Morning

How to blow your load with a 56k modem

Posted June 25th, 2009 at 10:04 am by

A lot of us didn’t have the convenience of broadband Internet when we hit our teenage years.  This made watching porn a task in itself.  A buffering video is something we’d run into quite often, and depending on how far along we were, it could be quite the mood ruiner.

jack off

Eventually we learned to play the video from the beginning when it began to buffer (in hopes that the last little piece of video would be done downloading).  Sadly, starting a video completely over when you’re close to climax, is a good way to destroy your rhythm.

We’ve developed a flowchart that will show you exactly what to do if you’re watching porn via 56k modem and your video starts to buffer.

flowchart

“Cool flowchart bro, but I don’t understand the White Zombie mp3 part?”

A chick gets porked at the beginning of the song, we’ve uploaded it here. It can be used as an audio stimulant if video has failed you.

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14 Comments
  • Dave
    August 13, 2009
    Reply


    #1

    The White Zombie song has chicks moaning all through it.
    I guess you had to be the right age and into metal music to really understand.

  • Charles
    August 13, 2009
    Reply


    #2

    While you were making that cute and clever flow chart graphic more innocent, vulnerable and usually sexually abused young girls who didnt get the love they deserved from their parents were sucked into the porn industry that proceeds to get rich off of depraving and debasing them further and letting them know that they are nothing but a piece of meat to be beaten, ripped and torn and infected with STDs until they either commit suicide, die of drug related or health causes surrounded by loveless cruel people who are dead inside already. It’s so cool and socially acceptable to condone pornography cuz hey it’s on southpark and hollywood has convinced us all that there is nothing wrong with it. They do that for the $ of course. They never show us the edited out parts of a porn scene where women’s guts are coming out of their vagina, yeast infected vaginas gushing cottage cheese, blood, sperm and vomit all over the floor, drugged girls being beaten and abused out of their minds all so they can get that killer money shot that you just ejaculated to. Its alot like stopping at a car accident where a woman is lying in the road bleeding to death and deciding to whip out your penis and ejaculate to it.
    Thanks for making the world a better place with your cute and clever little website.

  • George
    August 13, 2009
    Reply


    #3

    Hey Charles, ‘alot’ is not a word. The rest of your post was just as stupid and poorly written, that part just stuck out for me, like your mom’s erection in her pants.

    • Charles
      August 13, 2009
      Reply


      #4

      yes you are right. grammar and spelling are not my forte.

  • Matthew
    August 13, 2009
    Reply


    #5

    Charles, this simply doesn’t apply to homemade porno, which is pretty much all I ever watch anymore. I wasn’t forced by anyone to ejaculate in front of a webcam, nor was I paid. Free homemade porno is the way to go, it’s purely just for fun! :)

  • Rejeckted
    August 13, 2009
    Reply


    #6

    More human then a human? lmao.

  • Television Spy
    August 13, 2009
    Reply


    #7

    I got it and I’m not even into metal, I know it because it was in the Cable Guy which used the really cool riff in that song.

  • Wage Slave
    August 13, 2009
    Reply


    #8

    Charles,
    Most of us do something we don’t like in exchange for money. Some of us face danger in our jobs and our pay reflects this. The way forward is better laws and oversight protecting the workers in this and every industry. Some girls enjoy working in this industry. Many are intelligent young women who are working towards a goal thanks to the significant income being good in the industry can generate. We could tell horror stories about the sweatshops in Vietnam that make those shoes you enjoy or the drugs sports stars pump in their bodies to get the big bucks for being the best in the sports you may enjoy watching. We can push to regulate and monitor these and other industries or we can campaign to take freedom away from people and live in little cocoons doing nothing for fear of treading on an ant.
    You choose, if you haven’t fixed your opinion in cement already.

    • Jason
      August 13, 2009
      Reply


      #9

      Thanks for backing me up on this one kids. I was starting to feel bad for the strip tease videos and dick jokes we make here :(

  • Hmm
    August 13, 2009
    Reply


    #10

    Hey Charles, your comment on “Its alot like stopping at a car accident where a woman is lying in the road bleeding to death and deciding to whip out your penis and ejaculate to it.”

    That’s EXACTLY what I’d do. I love blood and guts, I love sex with the dead, I love sluts with snakes coming out of their heads.

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