Every once in awhile we let someone post a guest article.  Today we’re going to give the floor to Gerri (yes she has a vagina).

Let’s face it.  Mistakes happen.  There are some things you should never even consider saying or doing to a woman in the bedroom.  However, since nobody gave you a rulebook, you may only find out what these things are after you’ve ruined the moment.  Here are a few things you need to avoid to keep the object of your romance from bolting.

Mentioning Other People

Surely you know by now, talking about your ex is a turnoff.  Don’t do it.  Ever.  There are other people you shouldn’t mention in the bedroom either, like your mother, your lover’s best friend and the Pope.  And by all means, never ask her about her past lovers.  Just to be on the safe side, act as though the two of you are the only people on the planet when you’re trying to score.  She’ll appreciate it.

Rushing to the Finish Line

As hard as it can be sometimes, you have to slow down and take your time.  Don’t try to round the bases too quickly, or you may get tagged out.  While pawing at your girl like an animal has it’s time and place, try to make it last.  Otherwise, when you roll over, she’ll roll her eyes, and you may not get another opportunity to show her what you’ve got.

Not Asking Questions/Asking Too Many Questions

This one is tricky. You need to know if she’s digging your moves, but a constant interrogation is unsexy.  Take your cues from her breathing and movements and throw in “is that good for you, baby?” sparingly, and only when appropriate.

Going Too Far, Too Fast

Hold up cowboy.  Before you pull out the handcuffs, make sure she’s down with that, or you’ll look like a rodeo clown.  If the relationship is new, you might want to bring in the trapeze and nipple clamps gradually, and only after some discussion about what she’s into or willing to try.

Forgetting the Alcohol Factor

Before you bring somebody back home after a night on the town, you should keep in mind that all that alcohol you just consumed might cause you some embarrassment.  That’s right, impotence.  Even if you’ve never had a problem in this area before, it can happen.  You may not remember it in the morning, but it’s something she won’t forget.