The Miss California Scandal Explained

For those of you who don’t know, the Miss America pageant was held recently. During that pageant, a in the interview portion, Miss California, a 21 year old hottie named Carrie Prejean, was asked about her stance on Gay marriage. Hell froze over and she answered honestly: “I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised.”

If you’re asking, ‘but where is the controversy?’ then you are right where we were.  We did some digging and found it. That gorgeous little hottie, Prejean, lied to us.  She’s not a gorgeous little hottie, she’s only beautiful. Then she had the pageant association pay for her to get bigger boobs. We feel lied to, and know you do too.

But that’s not the controversy, no sir. Apparently Miss California is also one hell of a conceited bitch. She claims that if she hadn’t said what she said, she would have won the pageant. Well, too bad bitch.  She claims that her anti-gay marriage remark caused such an up stir that she could no longer win.

The way we see it, my friends, is that the interview section is there for a reason. You know that whole “Worlds peace” question crap? That’s part of it. It lets people know who they are voting for, so it’s not just a fake pair of big ol’ knockers taking the show.  The audience didn’t like her, oh well.  Would it be any different if she had been asked her view on cancer, and said “Cancer rocks, it’s God’s favorite way of killing heathens?”  She still would have lost.  It’s not just on her beauty that the pageant is judged, but what lies beneath, or some touchy feely crap like that.

On that note, we’d like to take a few minutes to explain our official stance on gay marriage.

Any guy will agree, there’s nothing wrong with it.  If their marriage is banned, we won’t get to see it as much anymore, and that makes us sad.  On the other end of the spectrum, you have the male homosexuals. Because the majority of our readership is male, we’ll represent them with another picture of girls kissing, but with crudely drawn mustaches.

We’re ok with that too, and so should every other man out there. You know why? Because if gay men can marry and stay together, that’s two less guys to compete with at the bar.  The woman you’re going after may not realize he’s gay at first, but if he’s allowed to marry, he’ll have the off limits ring.  And, you know, his husband hanging all over him. According to this logic, if you’re a man, and don’t support gay marriage, you don’t appreciate having sex with women.  In which case you’re obviously gay yourself.  Don’t be gay. Support gay marriage.