Meeting someone you feel a connection with online can be very exciting. The bad part is that you can’t be 100% certain the person you’re talking to doesn’t actually have a penis. We’d like to drop a few bullet points for you to reference, so that when the time comes, you can be prepared.
- Does She Skip A lot of Bases?
You’ve been talking to SexyKristy1988 for about two days now and you’re really hitting it off. At this point the both of you agree to send each other some pictures.
If Kristy sends you a picture of her naked, while an African American man has his massive penis in the area where she goes number two – then it should set off a few red flags.
- Does She Never Have A Phone?
A big step when taking an online relationship to the next level is the first phone call. If you are constantly hit with excuses, you may want to start questioning the sex of said fling.
No minutes left on my plan, battery is dead, dog ate phone =
- Can She Speak In Leet?
Even the best of us slip up and let an acronym fly whilst talking to ladies online. If you find one that can keep up, don’t fall in love just yet.
Sure there’s a chance that the average girl knows about pwning, nub cakes, and roflcopters, but that chance is very very slim. (To the four female gamers and the one sexy Digg.com user who are angry with me right now: Shut up, you know it’s true)
- Is She Extremely Direct?
Typically as men it is our job to make the first move. In the virtual world this means; we bring up sex first, push our luck with naughty talk etc etc). If you find yourself in a situation where the roles are reversed, you should consider aborting immediately.
Conclusion: Sure it would be a lot easier to hit up a bar to find ladies. At a bar you can be sure that the person you’re hitting on has cleavage and a camel toe. What fun is that though? Live a little and find romance online. Just be sure to reference our bullet points. At the end of the day we want you to be certain that the person you’re thinking about when you jerk off, has an actual vagina (not some Silence of the Lambs Buffalo Bill tuck job).
Arielle Angelovich
Azn chick ownage
Babes gallery
Gemma Atkinson
Naked workout?
nerds fap too
Smart and hot
These real?
May 19, 2009
#1
What I don’t know doesn’t bother me.
May 19, 2009
#2
want to lick my soft pussy eric64?
May 23, 2009
#3
um, hey….what’s up
May 20, 2009
#4
ROFL nice one
May 20, 2009
#5
So, according to this, I’m a guy. Who knew!
May 20, 2009
#6
The third point is such crap.
(female semi-sexi digg user/gamer)
Seriously doubt I’m the only one.
May 20, 2009
#7
Too true, total load of crap. Every one of those points describes me LMAO
(female stripper/sexy digg user/geek/gamer!!!1!!)
May 20, 2009
#8
Hey, everyone.
Gotta admit, a lot of this is… well… sad but true for AVERAGE girls. But screw average girls! (If you can.)
Girls who haven’t swallowed all the bullshit about what they’re supposed to be, and let some of the inhibition fall (which our parents HATE us for sometimes, you know) are a small but growing minority.
We’re the ones who will correct your spelling but understand your 1337speak and lolcats. We’re the ones who will meet your sexual eagerness (sometimes) and sometimes come onto YOU. We’re the ones who’ll check out your porn and let you know which pictures are the best.
But we’re not average girls. ^.- So… Maybe I’d just like to add an addendum. If your “girlfriend” openly admits to being a geek herself, you can give her a lot more slack on the above issues. But you might want to ask a couple questions about the elusive phone. >.>
By the way… My boyfriend met me online. We never spoke on the phone before the day he met me in person after a two hour train ride…
And he loves me.
Emily J. Rivleau, Geeky Girlfriend extraordinaire!
May 20, 2009
#9
Haha,
Funny article, I’m sure many people can use this guide.
Now I have to think back on those days that I chatted with girls. Hmmm??
May 20, 2009
#10
hahahaha, this is funny.
But to be honest, I’m both digg user and also female gamer and I must admit most of my friends don’t know what is roflcopter and I’m the only one who always use the word I pwnzzzz j00 lol
May 20, 2009
#11
Don’t be so sure that the girl at the bar is really a girl, you know anyone can get surgery done if they’re willing to commit to the part or are transexuals(?).
You can “tell” if it’s a dude or a dame by looking at the index and ring finger, I think if the ring finger is bigger it’s a guy and if the index is bigger it’s a woman or something like that.
May 20, 2009
#12
Emily will you be my Geeky Girlfriend?
May 20, 2009
#13
Heh i might my current girlfriend on World of Warcraft (im shamed to admit) back in 2005 none of these points where ever filled but we did talk on ventrillo for about a month before we met each other, now we live together and possibly getting married next year.
And yes i still beleive there are no wimmins on the internet.
May 20, 2009
#14
What??? I’m a guy??? Fuck that shit bitch!
May 20, 2009
#15
“If Kristy sends you a picture of her naked, while an African American man has his massive penis in the area where she goes number two – then it should set off a few red flags.”
Still nothing more frightening than a black penis. My, how times have changed. I guess for this conceit to work, we have to assume that “you” and “Kristy” are white. Is that the internet is “whites only” or only white guys are too dense to read gender cues?
Oh yeah, the whole piece wasn’t very funny.
May 20, 2009
#16
Throwing out the race card because I said African American’s have “massive Penis”?
You’re pretty sad if you think that’s racist.
May 20, 2009
#17
Well, technically I think it is even it you think you are not a racist. The bigger point, even bigger that my big black penis, is that the whole piece was not funny.
May 20, 2009
#18
hey baby lets see that black python /winky face
January 13, 2010
#19
If it has to be spelled out to you, the point he was making was if your “online gf” sends you a picture of her naked, having sex (with anyone), she’s really a dude. The whole “black on white” thing is a popular pr0n search, so that’s what he was referring to. And you’re right, if you have to spell it out to someone, it’s not funny at all. Thanks for ruining the article for everyone.
May 20, 2009
#20
digg sucks
May 20, 2009
#21
whatever, man.
May 20, 2009
#22
Oh, shit.
This is going to be a difficult call to my parents.
May 20, 2009
#23
Television Spy, if that’s true then I’m a biological dude. And I don’t have any of the parts necessary to fit that description unless my name is really Meatloaf. >:
May 20, 2009
#24
if you are pathetic enough to have an “online girlfriend”, i doubt you even care if she is actually a he.
May 20, 2009
#25
Dee, of course you are not the only one. There are plenty of women out there with massive egos and a ridiculously inflated idea of their appearance.
I believe the author was being generous by suggesting there may be one attractive female Digg user (read attention/compliment whore).
May 21, 2009
#26
wait.. the index and ring finger thing cant be always true.. my ring finger is bigger than my index.. and last time I checked I didnt see any penis on me. Cant feel one now. hmm.
May 22, 2009
#27
Yes i think it’s really work 75% of them are really a boy
May 22, 2009
#28
Damn I must be a guy! I mean I really thought the boobs and female naughty parts was a sign I was a girl but man.. these bulletin points make me wonder!
I send out my naughty pictures to guys I trust, I don’t like talking on the phone much (don’t like using up my minutes), 1 c4n 5p34k l33t, and I’m pretty direct.
Fuck! How am I going to tell my husband?
May 23, 2009
#29
show me your vag
May 26, 2009
#30
Omg this is awesome great stuff mate
November 12, 2009
#31
i like vag mmm
November 26, 2009
#32
damn im sexy