Meeting someone you feel a connection with online can be very exciting. The bad part is that you can’t be 100% certain the person you’re talking to doesn’t actually have a penis. We’d like to drop a few bullet points for you to reference, so that when the time comes, you can be prepared.

  • Does She Skip A lot of Bases?

You’ve been talking to SexyKristy1988 for about two days now and you’re really hitting it off.  At this point the both of you agree to send each other some pictures.


If Kristy sends you a picture of her naked, while an African American man has his massive penis in the area where she goes number two – then it should set off a few red flags.

  • Does She Never Have A Phone?

A big step when taking an online relationship to the next level is the first phone call.  If you are constantly hit with excuses, you may want to start questioning the sex of said fling.

No minutes left on my plan, battery is dead, dog ate phone =


  • Can She Speak In Leet?

Even the best of us slip up and let an acronym fly whilst talking to ladies online.  If you find one that can keep up, don’t fall in love just yet.


Sure there’s a chance that the average girl knows about pwning, nub cakes, and roflcopters, but that chance is very very slim.  (To the four female gamers and the one sexy user who are angry with me right now: Shut up, you know it’s true)

  • Is She Extremely Direct?

Typically as men it is our job to make the first move.  In the virtual world this means; we bring up sex first, push our luck with naughty talk etc etc).  If you find yourself in a situation where the roles are reversed, you should consider aborting immediately.


Conclusion: Sure it would be a lot easier to hit up a bar to find ladies.  At a bar you can be sure that the person you’re hitting on has cleavage and a camel toe.  What fun is that though?  Live a little and find romance online.  Just be sure to reference our bullet points.  At the end of the day we want you to be certain that the person you’re thinking about when you jerk off, has an actual vagina (not some Silence of the Lambs Buffalo Bill tuck job).