Have you ever walked into your local liquor store and wondered, without reading the labels of each and every bottle there, which is the strongest alcohol they sell? Which would let you get the most bang for your buck? Which to slip into your dates drink to ‘loosen her up?’ (By the way, don’t do that.)

Everclear – As anyone who has ever imbibed Everclear will tell you, there is no wonder it made the top of the list. Available in potency up to 95% alcohol by volume (190 proof), this stuff is banned from sale in 13 states in the U.S. However, in those states you can buy the weaker, 151 proof variety. Short of home-distilled sour-mash moonshine, you don’t legally get much stronger than Everclear. The best part? Everclear is flavorless, like good vodka is supposed to be. It is odorless as well, so it can basically be added to any drink or cocktail to give it one hell of a kick in the ass.

Devil Springs Vodka – Typical vodkas, in keeping with the Russian, Lithuanian, and Polish vodka traditions, is typically proofed somewhere between 76 (38% alcohol by volume) and 100 (50% by volume). New Jersey decided to say ‘Fuck you, tradition’ and came out with a rather rebellious 160 proof (80% alcohol by volume) vodka, Devil’s Springs Vodka. According to their sources, they claim it is a great proof for flavoring with your own preference, then diluting it with 50% water, bringing it back down to vodka standards. We at Regretful Morning say: Bite Me. (Please note, that ‘Me’ is collective). We’d rather flavor it, then drink the 160 proof delight ourselves, nice and strong, you know, to show those Russians just what kind of pussies they are.

Absinthe – Absinthe, aka the Green Fairy, comes in at number three on our list. Banned from sale in the United States since 1913, it took a Frenchman with a desire to succeed and affinity for being uncharacteristically unFrench by not giving up to get this ban overturned in 2007. Made from the Wormwood herb, alleged to possess psychedelic properties, this green liquor had gained a cult following, thanks primarily to its banning and the nickname. Ranking at 144 proof, this potent potable is typically consumed mixed with water. The water is generally poured over an Absinthe spoon with a sugar cube on it to take away the bite. The reason this drink beats out some of the 150 proof spirits is because, due to its cult following, and the hallucinogenic properties attributed to it, it will both kick your ass, take your name, and proceed to kick your name’s ass.

Bacardi 151 – This 151 proof rum is used for making rum-based cocktails stronger, and lighting your shots on fire before downing them. Not coincidentally, Bacardi is the only manufacturer of strong rums to employ a flame arresting cap on every bottle. If, however, you appreciate a strong, healthy tradition of rich, strong drinks, than you’d enjoy something more along the lines of STROH Rum, a 160 proof Austrian rum, who totes the ability to spread the Austrian rum traditions.

Sierra Silver Tequila – Beaten out by the Bacardi 151 by exactly ½% alcohol by volume, here’s the final entry on our list. Sierra Silver, aka “The Rock That bites” claims to be the heart of Mexico. While the bottle DOES have some crazy, kick-ass looking sombrero for a lid, anything that’s 150 proof can’t claim to be the heart of anything, nor the stomach. That much high octane juice inside you, anywhere, is likely to cause spontaneous awesome, bouts of a mysteriously sexy Mexican accent, and chronic sexy parties. That’s right, we’re officially nominating the Sierra Silver as the sexiest high-proof drink out there because, in addition to being a tequila that actually will lay you out the next morning, it’s got a fancy hat.

If you want to follow John Scrovak’s ramblings on cracked, RM, and STDP7 then stalk him on Facebook