In America we’ve got a few decent beers. Nothing like Germany, but we can still hold our own. Other beers are not so decent, and you’re bound to make a trip to the store if it’s the only thing left. Then we have some beer that is basically piss and/or liquid shit. If someone told me that the Pabst Blue Ribbon brewery was just an underground run-off of every single urinal in Texas, I would believe them.
Have someone foreign visiting that you don’t really care for? A good way to get them out of your home is by offering them a Pabst. For someone European this is equivalent of getting kicked in the sack while realizing that the porn you just watched, starred your mother.
On the other hand, you can afford Pabst even when times are tough. You see, the suits at PBR know they make shit beer, so you can buy a 12 pack for less than a burrito off of a lunch truck in East Los Angeles.
Recently we visited the offices of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Here is some fan mail that we found in one of the executive offices.
May 20, 2009
#1
Way to take a swing at the low hanging fruit, guys. C’mon, tell me youve never wanted to get drunk, but only had 4 bucks in your pocket. Because the only way you can get drunk on 4$ is PBR. I believe a bit of respect is in order. And, atleast its better than Olde English or Mickeys, right?
May 21, 2009
#2
Ouch dude…
I actually like Pabst… I mean, you could have made more of a splash if you went and used Bud or Budlight.. I can’t tell you how many redneck car accidents/Best of Cops/Domestic Abuse scenes on TV involve no less than a pyramid of Bud Cans.
I mean, the humor was okay… but next time… aim a little higher, and pick on a truely shitty bear.. like schlitz or old english.
May 21, 2009
#3
Home-brew, only way to go. Make 45 gallons at a time in an old plastic barrel. Load it with corn sugar and some malt. Giv it out free to anyone who will swallow it. Pabst blue ribbon makes a good pump-primer for a week-long drunk for a whole damned neighborhood. Try ir you’ll like it! Recipes free on net! Some taste better than import beer.
June 2, 2009
#4
first and foremost, you can fuck yourself, not because you pick on one specific beer, but that you’re picking on any beer in general. i’m sure you’re familiar with the the saying “one man’s trash is another’s treasure”. so please apply the term next time, and not in the literal sense, cause Pabst is neither trash nor treasure. It’s simply another one of the many domestic beers offered at a low price. you make it seem trashy and low-class while failing to mention the fact bud and bud-light, the miller products and coors are not only of the same quality but bought by more people, which means that the beer buying demographic is much more versed. so bash Pabst all you can, but remember that whatever you’re drinking is probably hated by just as many people. if not more. carry that thought even further and realize your attack only motivates in both ways. the first is that any unprovoked attack is originated out of jealousy, anger, or hatred. all three giving credence to that which you’ve denounced. Pabst didn’t “mean-mug” you, or “back-talk” you, or even sleep with your sister/mom/cousin/dog, so why attack it unless you’re jealous that Pabst doesn’t have to advertise and still sells, angry because you didn’t “discover” it before the rest of your friends, or that you hate the fact that Pabst isn’t considered a “trailer-trash” beer anymore, and is now becoming, as my friend put it, “a beer that tastes like beer”. the second motivation being anyone who grants something they don’t like the respect of being noted as inferior also implies that it’s competition. you’ve presented a shit argument and coasted along on other peoples’ ideals for too long. Pabst Blue Ribbon is a quality beer, better than just as many as it worse, and your attack on it is not only childish but the surest sign of a weak minded individual. please do us all a favor and keep your opinions on beer to yourself.
June 2, 2009
#5
Blake, cry more. It’s called humor. I will tell the execs at PBR you’d do a great job sucking them off.
June 4, 2009
#6
I agree with DocNasty. Bud, Coors and Miller are all much shittier beers than Pabst. In fact, Pabst is probably the best beer I know of that you can buy in a can, and I drink a lot of different kinds of beer. Oh, and also, America makes a a lot of really great beers, it’s just that the vast majority of beer bought and sold in America is trash.
June 4, 2009
#7
Yeah fuck this, PBR is way better than Bud Light. Bud Light is just fizzy fucking water.
June 5, 2009
#8
Is your pussy still bleeding or can you take the tampon out of your ass?
July 14, 2009
#9
you do know that we have our own piss beer in texas, right? lone star.
July 15, 2009
#10
PBR is nowhere near the best canned beer. Surley, Leinenkugel’s, and Grain Belt Premium all kick the shit out of PBR. You don’t know about beer.
March 29, 2010
#11
I just got really thirsty. goodbye.
September 10, 2010
#12
pabst is best tasting beer hands down. it has like 4 ingredeants. and as lots of other people put it “it taste like a beer” union made. no advertising and been around waht… almost180 years?