5 Common Facebook Terms That Plague Us Daily

Facebook trends continue to grow, multiply, and annoy the shit out of everyone on a daily basis. The last 5 have actually been labeled for your convenience. So now when your friends list is being pillaged, or you’re getting dominated by app requests, you’ll be able to tag said offenders.

-Friend Rape-

Friend rape is a term describing an occurrence. One of the many uses for Facebook is looking up old friends, people you knew in high school, middle school, college, anywhere!  Someone may be cruising along when they get a friend request from an old friend from, say, middle school.  They accept, overjoyed to have found a long lost acquaintance. Then, looking for more, the first thing they do is go to that persons friend list and, looking for any names they think they recognize, they request friendship with half the list.  That poor man who requested that old acquaintance in the first place?  He was just a victim of friend rape.

-App-Ho-

You may not remember this person, and chances are he/she doesn’t remember you either. In fact, you may not even know or remember why they became your friend. What you DO know, is that every time you log in, you can be greeted with about 40 application requests form him or her. Zombies, vampires, mafia, pirates, ninjas, eggs, plants, stickers, flair, and about a thousand other stupid applications.   You’ve unfriended him or her at least three times, forgotten about it, and promptly accepted their re-request.  Then you log in again, kick yourself in the head for your stupidity, and unfriend again.

-Facebook Fired-

A more common occurrence theses days, getting oneself Facebook Fired is a direct result of abusing the widespread reaches of the internet, and a distinct lack of common sense. The earl of getting Facebook Fired, Kevin Colvin, was an intern for a prominent bank when he e-mailed his boss saying he could not come in the next day due to ’something came up at home.’  Well then he let his picture get taken and posted on Facebook while dressed, in drag, as a fairy, beer in his hand, complete with make-up and a wand.   Needless to say, once his employers found out, he wasn’t invited to continue that internship.  Most people don’t realize just how easy it is to prevent such occurrences from happening. Details as to how will follow in the article ‘How to Protect Your Face(book)’

-Glamour-book-

This person is a little harder to distinguish from the rest of your Facebook friends. Why? You actually have to visit their profile to figure it out. You see, this guy (actually it’s almost always a girl) is tagged in about 1,500 photographs, 17 videos, and has about 100 wall posts in a single day. Somehow, everyone knows her, but she’s never actually really done anything.  At all.  And I apologize for the bad pun, but Glamour-book was a play on words, you know, because of Facebook? Screw it, next word.

We google image’d the above but have no idea what it means.  If there are any hip readers out there, could you let us know what the hand crossy thing means?

-The Openbook-

The Openbook is the Facebook user who uses the site to broadcast themselves. Post updates include such gems as ‘Eating a sammich,’ ‘pooping,’ and ‘felt like updating.’ They have pictures in their underwear, in church, and in their underwear at church.  Ok, maybe not – But they tell the entire world everything.  Notes containing surveys about when they lost their virginity and their favorite ice cream, and post about their every intimate detail for the world to see.  If someone wanted to piss a lot of people off they would design something that gives you nothing but status updates.  Wait…

Son of a bitch.

I’m John Scrovak – If you want to follow my ramblings on cracked, RM, and STDP7 then feel free to add me on Facebook