Make me a balloon animal clown!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Too bad Vince Vaughn didn’t have this idea in wedding crashers.

5 Of The Most Alcoholic Drinks Ever To Scorch Your Throat

Have you ever walked into your local liquor store and wondered, without reading the labels of each and every bottle there, which is the strongest alcohol they sell? Which would let you get the most bang for your buck? Which to slip into your dates drink to ‘loosen her up?’ (By the way, don’t do that.)

Everclear – As anyone who has ever imbibed Everclear will tell you, there is no wonder it made the top of the list. Available in potency up to 95% alcohol by volume (190 proof), this stuff is banned from sale in 13 states in the U.S. However, in those states you can buy the weaker, 151 proof variety. Short of home-distilled sour-mash moonshine, you don’t legally get much stronger than Everclear. The best part? Everclear is flavorless, like good vodka is supposed to be. It is odorless as well, so it can basically be added to any drink or cocktail to give it one hell of a kick in the ass.

Devil Springs Vodka – Typical vodkas, in keeping with the Russian, Lithuanian, and Polish vodka traditions, is typically proofed somewhere between 76 (38% alcohol by volume) and 100 (50% by volume). New Jersey decided to say ‘Fuck you, tradition’ and came out with a rather rebellious 160 proof (80% alcohol by volume) vodka, Devil’s Springs Vodka. According to their sources, they claim it is a great proof for flavoring with your own preference, then diluting it with 50% water, bringing it back down to vodka standards. We at Regretful Morning say: Bite Me. (Please note, that ‘Me’ is collective). We’d rather flavor it, then drink the 160 proof delight ourselves, nice and strong, you know, to show those Russians just what kind of pussies they are.

Absinthe – Absinthe, aka the Green Fairy, comes in at number three on our list. Banned from sale in the United States since 1913, it took a Frenchman with a desire to succeed and affinity for being uncharacteristically unFrench by not giving up to get this ban overturned in 2007. Made from the Wormwood herb, alleged to possess psychedelic properties, this green liquor had gained a cult following, thanks primarily to its banning and the nickname. Ranking at 144 proof, this potent potable is typically consumed mixed with water. The water is generally poured over an Absinthe spoon with a sugar cube on it to take away the bite. The reason this drink beats out some of the 150 proof spirits is because, due to its cult following, and the hallucinogenic properties attributed to it, it will both kick your ass, take your name, and proceed to kick your name’s ass.

Bacardi 151 – This 151 proof rum is used for making rum-based cocktails stronger, and lighting your shots on fire before downing them. Not coincidentally, Bacardi is the only manufacturer of strong rums to employ a flame arresting cap on every bottle. If, however, you appreciate a strong, healthy tradition of rich, strong drinks, than you’d enjoy something more along the lines of STROH Rum, a 160 proof Austrian rum, who totes the ability to spread the Austrian rum traditions.

Sierra Silver Tequila – Beaten out by the Bacardi 151 by exactly ½% alcohol by volume, here’s the final entry on our list. Sierra Silver, aka “The Rock That bites” claims to be the heart of Mexico. While the bottle DOES have some crazy, kick-ass looking sombrero for a lid, anything that’s 150 proof can’t claim to be the heart of anything, nor the stomach. That much high octane juice inside you, anywhere, is likely to cause spontaneous awesome, bouts of a mysteriously sexy Mexican accent, and chronic sexy parties. That’s right, we’re officially nominating the Sierra Silver as the sexiest high-proof drink out there because, in addition to being a tequila that actually will lay you out the next morning, it’s got a fancy hat.

If you want to follow John Scrovak’s ramblings on cracked, RM, and STDP7 then stalk him on Facebook

Drunk hot chick tries to show off

We enjoy watching drunk hot chicks prance around. We like it even better when they try to show off and fail miserably.
[Read more]

Sonic Boom!

Elementary School Weekend Debate: Which Sonic Boom is more awesome and why?

Popular Links:
The Daily BJ – Atom
WTF kind of animal is this? – College Humor
Skater has a hard landing – Totally Crap
Blame the Kid – Funny Hub
If Nintendo made Halo 3 – Double Viking
Townsend Coleman interview – Screen Junkies

Babes:
Luli Miller is bangin – Camel Tap
Laura Cavender in a bikini – Gorilla Mask
Britney Spears nipple hard ons – Don Chavez
Marzia Prince in lingerie – COED Magazine
25 Dirty Disney Photos – Manofest
Angelica Carrera is a Hawaiian bombshell – On 205th
Blond Swedish Singer Elin Lanto – Uncoached

Sexual positions quiz for n00bs

Hi kids!  It’s Friday.  If everything goes right, no one will read this post because you’ll be too busy trying to get your ball sack to make that slapping noise as it hits a taint.  Isn’t that the best?

Cutting right to the chase: I found a bunch of pictures that showed various sexual positions.  Your job is to try to name them all without looking at the answers (bottom of post).

0-3 correct answers = It’s past your bed time

4-7 correct answers = Not bad, you need to watch more porn though

8-10 correct answers = Please upload your porn stash and also introduce us to some sluts if you know any

1. The Arch
2. Cowgirl
3. Doggy
4. Lotus
5. The Lunge
6. Missionary
7. Reverse bridge
8. Scissors
9. Standing Lotus

Popular Links:
Hip hop stars and their energy drinks – YepYep
Tank rolls over car bomb – College Humor
Pizza man rescues woman from rapey abductor – Blog of Hilarity
Remember this little shit head? – Uncoached
10 celeb faceplants – Manofest
Rat wheel owns idiot – Totally Crap
5 disturbing Sam Raimi moments – Screen Junkies

Babes:
Luli Miller, hottie from Brazil – Camel Tap
Mindi Smith’s doube D’s – Gorilla Mask
Shauna Sand looks like a whore – Don Chavez
The 52 Best Natural Breasts of All-Time – COED Magazine
Aida Yespica almost naked – Next Round

TGIF Hottie: Anne

Super Tangas posted a sexy video of this iPod wearing, boner maker taking her clothes off.  Unfortunately their bandwidth is horrible, so we re-uploaded it here.  No one wants to deal with a buffer when cleaning the pipes.
[Read more]

Natural Airbags, yum

See girls, gobbling down shit loads of Happy Meals has it’s perks.  Safe, stylish, sexy…eat.

Popular Links:
The June Manvite calender is live – Manvite
Hot sluts trailer – Atom
This bull fighter sucks – Don Chavez
65 Pictures Of Awesomeness – YepYep
Prison guard gets knocked up by inmate, arrested for rape – Blog of Hilarity
Rapper punches fan in the face – Totally Crap
Doggy Exercises – Funny Hub
Best Summer reality shows – Screen Junkies
Interpreting a bad case of Diarrhea – Uncoached

Babes:
Natasha Marley in Maxim – Camel Tap
Mary Castro topless – Gorilla Mask
Aida Yespica + wonderful ass – Next Round
Kimberley Jones, boing – On 205th
Drunken Lake Havasu Party Girls: Memorial Day Edition – COED Magazine

18 Climactic “O” Faces on Animals

Your “O” face is special, never let anyone tell you otherwise.  In a way it’s your very own trademark.  A trademark which outlines completion, achievement, and above all – satisfaction.  We picked animals in this gallery for two reasons:

1. We’ve seen every single vid on Red Tube twice.
2. Animals kick ass.

Inner Beauty Is Important [nsfw]

Usually advertisers frown when I post stuff like this, but it made me laugh.  I believe many of you are just as twisted, so enjoy this please.

Very Uncommon MMA Submission

I think it’s safe to say that this guy was going to lose.  Lucky for him, he pulled an awkward submission out of his ass.
[Read more]

Next Page »