Dear Squirters, a heads up please?
April 20, 2009 · Print This Article
Over the weekend I was able to witness something that up until now, I thought only happened in porn. No, I’m not talking about a woman having an orgasm…wait, yes I am.
On Saturday night my bed was fucking destroyed by a “squirter.”
Few things:
1) Don’t be jealous, she weighed around two bills.
2) Don’t tell me that I just pissed the bed and took a pic. I have pissed the bed before, so I know that it makes a much larger stain.
Dear chubby chick who didn’t have sex with me because she had a boyfriend. Thank you for the multiple BJ’s on Saturday. Your bf is a lucky guy and should be proud that his girl isn’t sleeping around. Could you please give a heads up next time you full release though? I’m sure this isn’t the first time it’s happened and I think in the long run we can save a lot of bed sheets.
This goes for all squirters. Don’t feel embarrassed to be like “Hey man, before you tap this shit throw down a towel because my load will fucking dwarf yours LOL.” We’ll think it’s hot, trust me.
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That Bitch can sit on my face!
Where do you live? We might be able to arrange something.
200 pounds? Are you sure the fat cow didn’t just spring a leak somewhere from all the internal pressure?
I’m not sure, I smelled the area and although it wasn’t a good smell, it wasn’t piss.
Don’t worry, I have the solution. It’s easy and can be performed at home!
First, put your mattress outside and pour kerosene all over it, set it on fire. There’s no WAY a fuckstain like that is ever going to wash out completely.
Second, next time Ms. Supersoaker wants to get it on with you, tell her you’d like to do it with the lights off this time, get something kinky on the go…tell her that you’re about to stick it in, and then at the last moment, switch your penis out for a caulking gun and seal that bastard shut. Then you can just do her up the pooper and hope to fuck she doesn’t squirt out of there too.
You’re right, it isn’t coming out. Tried a baking soda rub down thus far. I don’t have the money for a new mattress. More ideas plz. Also, I don’t think this will happen again.
I’ve had a few chicks who’ve done that. They never knew they were able to do it before I got ahold of them. They rather enjoyed it, as did I.
And the smell, what did it smell like? I’m sure if it was my gf I would have been more down, but this was just a cheating fatty who liked my tv and snacks.
In fact, I’d take a vag load down the throat if I really liked her. Some good protein I’d assume.