An analysis of your Masturbation timeline
April 28, 2009 · Print This Article
Before we plunge into this list I’d like to take a moment to address the single bachelors. Sure it get’s lonely not having a gf/wife to share bodily fluids with, but one day that will all change. When that day comes, you will look back at this point in your life and think to yourself “Damn those days were awesome.” So go ahead and pull your pud as much, and as often as you possibly can. Let out some grunts too. You should be flogging your dolphin in every room, with every door open, as often as possible. Because the truth is, your days of boppin’ the bologna without a care in the world are numbered.
Age 12-14: I need to get a lock on my door asap because building tent forts in my room is getting tiring. Also why does mom always knock, then come barreling through the door? Shouldn’t she wait until I say “come in?” I better never get caught doing this shit.
Age 15-17: Ahh third hot shower today, let’s get to it. Man I hope they don’t fucking ask why I take so many hot showers again. I’m an active kid and active kids sweat when they play, can’t we just leave it at that?
Age 18-25: If my roommate knocks one more time asking me where his pipe is, I’m not even gonna try to finish. I’d rather live at home and be grilled about hot showers, than trying to full release while my stoner roommate and his friends are laughing in the living room.
Age 26-40:
- Porn stash, check
- Empty house check
- Hand lotion check
Let’s get this party started. Why do I hear a minivan? Soccer games are supposed to last all day. I’ll continue this next weekend when the wife and kids are gone. Yes next weekend for sure.
41-59: I wonder what my daughter’s friend meant when she hugged me and said I was the best? Shit, OK trying to think about my wife now. I wish her boobs were more like…gah, I’m a bad person.
60+: How long will this take? Maybe if I crush up the viagra and snort it like coke it will hit me faster. Wait, ah ok here we go. That orderly better not stroll in while I’m trying to bust again. Man that pisses me off when she just walks in like she owns the place and tells me to put my stuff away. I think I’m going to start shitting my pants more on purpose just to give her more work.
12-14 ..1 minute? Shit, I walked into the bathroom, whipped it out, got it up and was back out the door in less time than that at that age.
Ya? How fast can you do that now?
” If my roommate knocks one more time asking me where his pipe is, I’m not even gonna try to finish. I’d rather live at home and be grilled about hot showers, than trying to full release while my stoner roommate and his friends are laughing in the living room.”
I have a guy stoner roommate who is always wackin’ it and he thinks me and my other girl roommate don’t know. He comes downstairs with his computer and a bowl and a grin on his face. I will never touch his computer. Bleck.
Are you and your other girl roommate hot?
If it takes you over a minute to get an erection.. you’ve got a serious problem. Never took over 5sec for me..
You get it up in 5 seconds? Video or gtfo.
I would have to agree. It doesn’t take a 1 min. Realistically its probably 10-20, but I don’t doubt there are those occasions where its 5 or less.
seconds that is..haha not mins..
sweetie no guy can get it up in under 5 seconds
Not for you, anyway.
maybe its cause your man has a hard time gettin it up cause your ugly. with the right hot girl any one can get it up in a matter of seconds
WHEN I WAS 16— I COULD NOT EVEN TAKE A PISS OUT SIDE, BECAUSE THE WIND WOULD POP MY ROCKS. MAN THOSE WERE THE DAYS…. UGLY OR NOT—YOU ARE JUST A HOLE THAT NEEDS TO BE PLUGGED
You’ve probably never been laid.
BOH SHIT!!!
Amen amen amen Mr.goldsmith. just glad someone else agrees.sorry ladies but its true.
Ok… just think about it…. after you had some vag…. Jerking is still the best way to release.
Mainly because theres no strings attached. I mean a womans company is ok, at times. But to have to jump hurdles for some vag when I can easily release in a miriad of ways on my terms….is no contest.
No std’s if you wash your hands…. that drunk chick at the bar you just had your fingers in… think she washed before your cock goes in? If she did it will be the squeakiest and aweful sex. I dont get why when a womans Vag is the cleanest its the hardest to fuck. Sloppy seconds is actually when it gets pretty good.
I guess carry some spermicide lube, make her clean her nasty hole…. fill it up with the foam/lube then fill it full of cock… and it will still be 10 times more of a pain in the ass than jerkin it…. and you dont have to get up to get the bitch icecream as she trys to lay all over you in the hot ass summer time.
The only reason you like sloppy seconds is because you want to feel my jizz against your dick after I bust in your girl faggot.
Haha that really sucks for you.
This is why I am a lesbian. I think dicks are the spawn of satan. lolololol. Guys don’t even know what their doing. I mean, none of my straight friends have actually gotten off during reg. sex with a guy. I think it’s funny. Girls know what they’re doing down there. =] Thats for damn sure.
Guys know what they’re (READ: THEY ARE) doing down there, too. Maybe if you weren’t so ugly you could actually find one with a little experience under his belt and learn to have a little respect for the cock instead of coming on here and talking shit.
Wanna munch on twat all day? That’s fine. But don’t talk trash about shit you know nothing about. The dick works fine for me, and plenty of other females around the world. If you can’t get off, that’s a problem with YOU and your dysfunctional vag, not him.
i want to hump you
Thanks DNA! I really don’t understand though- don’t lesbians get each other off orally or through masturbation? So why couldn’t a guy get a woman off that way too? I’ll admit, although I’m alright in bed, I’ve never got a woman off with just “the cock”, other than masturbating her using my cock on her clit. But I’ll spend hours licking pussy. Just like a lesbian, I’m guessing.
How the fuck would you know kait?
Damn, there must be something wrong with me, cuz I do.
This sites as full of shit as an outhouse
you know what your doing because your a woman and know witch places in the pussy you need to touch. i dont have a pussy so i,m just geussing, if guys dont know what to do tell them what to do!!
you have some weird friends then… my girlfriend always comes during sex
You should probably see a physician about that.
Is this figures backed by any research data?
No your a lesbian because your fat ugly and could never get a guy
Hello to all ! Greetings From Poland ! Very nice website.