Regretful Morning

9 Dating Sites That We Might Actually Use

Posted April 21st, 2009 at 1:44 pm by

Most guys will check out a dating site at least once.  Sadly 98% of us don’t make it passed page 2 in the application.  Why should there be hundreds of questions asking us stupid shit about ourselves that we aren’t going to answer honestly anyway?

There have got to be females out there who are impressed by our insane GTA4 skills and not so much our love of sunsets.  These females will also become aroused at how fast we can setup a wireless router, and will be completely romanced if we whip them up a bowl of Ramen (in front of a candle).

Match.com, e-harmony, yahoo personals, etc etc.  all have a few things in common.  Shit loads of questions we don’t want to answer, no listing of breast size, and they do not have an area for “how many dates before she gives it up.”

Here are 9 sites that we think you’ll find more appealing.  Punches won’t be pulled -  Basically, if you’re looking for a “waiting for marriage” box to fill out, you probably shouldn’t sign up.

DatenDitch.com – Food, sex, and alcohol delivered to your front door (clean up not included). (killermarmot)

firsttry

Youllhavetodo.com – Feeling like an ugly, washed up, turd because you can’t get laid?  You probably are, but don’t trip – we’ve got the perfect match for you! (CountBaqula)

havetodo

ComputerDates.com – Your next full release shouldn’t have to be behind a monitor. (Gibbo69)

computer_dates

HelpingHands.com – We bring the massage plus happy ending to you (minus the massage).  Satisfaction guaranteed. (CountBaqula)

helpinghands

Mating.com – You will get laid on your first date, or your money back.  We don’t charge any money though so actually you won’t get shit.  But still, you’re probably going to get lucky. (gmunro3)

mating

SoLonely.com – We don’t care how much you make, or what your hobbies are (like other shallow dating sites).  We’re here to find you a partner based on only looks. (Gibbo69)

solonely

Watch.com – Let’s be honest, you’ve got more WoW time under your belt than the rest of your chem class combined.  Even if you did by some miracle get laid, you’d be reaching for that Mtn Dew Big Gulb in 30 seconds.  Your next best option is watching.  We’ll set you up in areas to view attention starved females make out with eachother (after drinking only 1 jello shot).  Next time you see “tits or GTFO” in your favorite forum, your delivery will be a massive win. (gmunro3)

uwatch

DaddyIssues.com – Society frowns upon what we embrace.  Ever try to land a one night stand with someone who comes from a stable family?  It isn’t easy. (gmunro3)

daddyissues

Inebridate.com – We specialize in GPS technology that only flags users online once they’ve reached a certain alcohol level.  Then, they show up based on distance and severity of the STD you might encounter via unprotected sex. (CountBaqula)

inebri-date

Congrats Countbaqula, you win this weeks $25.  You can check out the rest of the entries here.

If you like to chop, feel free to join our latest photoshop conest.

Around The Web

8 Comments
  • Wackomatic
    May 1, 2009
    Reply


    #1

    Man I got so horny reading the ads I already blew my load, and I’m at work. Awesome

    • Jason
      May 1, 2009
      Reply


      #2

      Just tell them you werent completely done pissing when you put your junk away.

  • employee clockin clockout
    June 12, 2009
    Reply


    #3

    internet dating sites really have gotten to be just a running joke…kinda funny, if you ask me

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