America is full of bullshit advice givers. Tell me what most day time talk show hosts like Dr. Phil and Tyra Banks have in common? Correct, they make ass loads of cash by shoveling shit directly into the heads of young adults on a daily basis.
Fortunately, I’ve found an advice segment that shoots from the hip. - WWCTD
We’ll go ahead and post some of our favorite questions asked.
Tom, age 21, Delaware
Dear Christian, My GF has been cheating on me with some buff football player. She says she loves me but is not attracted to my body. Do you think I should get some pectorial implants so she will lust over me again?
Tom, first of all you need to ditch that bitch immediately. But before you do, try to have sex with her mother or sister. You’ll probably need to get them drunk. Then lie and tell them that you just won the lottery and you will be leaving soon to travel the world. As far as the implants go, come in for a consult and we’ll go from there.
Jared, 24, Mississippi
Heya doc, whenevers I drink the moonshine mah pecker don’t stay happy when I’m tryin to give it to Annie May in the barn. Do I needs surgery to fix mah willie?
Apparently your father married his sister, which is cool. What you have is called whiskey dick. Some doctors will tell you to stop drinking. I don’t work like that though, so I will go ahead and write you a prescription for viagra. If you take them orally you’ll have to wait around 10 minutes before you’re ready. For fast results, I suggest crushing the pills into a powder and snorting them like a line of coke.
Kendrick, 22, California
Sup DT! y0 so check it. I need help choosin’ which hoe is best fo me. My baby mama has some big ol’ titties but her puntang stank sometimes, nah mean? Then this other white skeezle who work at Walmart is fun but she married. I only bend her over when she go on lunch. Then this one from church is real nice but she don’t let me hit da back door. She all religious sayin’ that only demons make luv in dat hole.
Kendrick, its best not to make rash decisions like this based on what your heart is telling you. Sure society wants you to man up and be with the mother of your kid or as you put it, baby mama. But let’s face it, no one wants “puntang that stank.” My advice, keep playing the field until you find that special someone. Also, please wear condoms – I would hate myself if you reproduced again.
Until next week I’m Christian Troy, tell me what you don’t like about yourself.