Stop Blaming McDonalds for fat Americans
March 18, 2009 · Print This Article
March is a great month to get fat and stay unhealthy. We’re not referring to the corn dogs or nachos you’ll be consuming during march madness either. We’re talking about the mass consumption of girl scout cookies.
Every time you enter a grocery store you have to battle demons when it comes to the candy section in the check out aisle. The good news is, you can focus on the giant mole lingering on the check out lady’s upper lip – just long enough to get the fuck out before you buckle down and grab that snickers bar.
Unfortunately you can’t display the same type of willpower when it comes to a flock of girl scouts parked outside the sliding doors. Honestly, is it even possible to tell a five year old with pigtails that you don’t want any of her cookies?
For our non-American readers: Imagine the best shitty junk food you can purchase at Oktoberfest – Now instead of having it served under some tent by dude with a Fu Manchu mustache, picture a little girl rolling up on you…”If you buy this delicious snack it will help me and my family and baby Jesus and my sick pony, danke!” Brutal right?
We’d like to propose a few small changes to help our fellow Americans not get any fatter.
1) Location – Girl scouts may not be within 50 feet of the sliding doors at any supermarket. If you can avoid eye contact, you’re home free.
2) Facial expressions – Girls scouts are not permitted to make /sadface if someone tells them that they won’t be buying cookies.
3) MILFs – Hot moms with halter tops are not allowed to participate at all. I’m speaking right now directly to the mother of little Ashley who had the big fake tits. WTF am I going to do with 6 boxes of thin mints?
If we all do our part, we can start pulling the reigns on America’s obesity issue.
Also for those of you who are like “But I like calling you guys fat fuck and cheeseburger belly in various online forums mate” – We understand that, but if you don’t support us here, we’re all going to be dead. You can’t make fun of someone if they’re dead right?
LoL of the Day – College Humor
Babe of the day (nsfw) – Gorilla Mask
WTF of the day – Totally Crap
First of all, I don’t see how any of the pictures depict anything to do with fat. I mean, if you’re going to talk about fat people, show some fat people.
Second, how about every one just mind their own damn business and let fat people be fat and happy?
Did you know, that fat people really don’t give a flying shit what you or anyone else thinks? That most of them are perfectly happy in their own skin? More than I can say for some of the skinny people out there, being all depressed thinking they’re fat because people have made them feel like they’re not worth a shit if they’re fat.
Good grief, people need to get a fucking life.
amen meme…that was great. lol
Let fat people be fat and happy? Are you fucking retarded?
Most fat people are NOT perfectly happy in their own skin – at all times, 50% are on a diet. Is that because all the fat people are happy with their weight?
The reason I care? For starters, because of bullshit like this:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,509514,00.html
Why else do I care?
1. Fat people make excuses for not losing weight. “It’s too expensive to eat right.” “I have fat genes.” “I can’t lose the weight – I tried!” FUCK that.
2. Fat Americans add to the stereotype that Americans are lazy.
3. Fat Americans are requiring bigger toilets in public restrooms, bigger movie seats, bigger airline seats, bigger fucking everything. (BTW: If they’re so happy, how come everything needs to be bigger to suit them? Wouldn’t they be happy squeezing into whatever they’re squeezing into?
4. Fat people are raising healthcare costs. I’d link you to a reference, but you can Google shit just fine.
5. Fat people make other fat people think it’s OK to be fat.
And it’s not OK to be fat. No one LIKES being fat. Some people have accepted it, but no one thinks to themselves “Ahh, I’m so glad I’m a fatass! I love being judged whenever I eat practically anything, and man, it’s so great being out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs!” Most fat people would say fat is WHAT they are, not WHO they are – it’s not a vital part of their identity, and given the option, most would rather be THIN.
And IF you’re fat and reading this: you have friends and family who love you, and would MUCH rather see you healthy and happy. Get out from behind your fucking computer and go to your doctors to see how they can help you live a longer, happier, normal life! It’s EASIER than you think, it’s CHEAPER than being fat, and you’ll be SO HAPPY YOU DID IT. GO NOW!
Hahahah epic fail fat people
Amen not fat.. Ameeen…
Agree ! Parents are supposed to know what their kids had bought with their allowance money, and not to spoil them with lavish allowances.
It would also help much if burger vendors stop advertising. If it’s for meal (not snack), it’s a necessity and people are going to buy.
Meme- Are you fat???
I blame the media for making American Fat. Fatties like Oprah who are getting rich off of hawking random diet advice. Seriously, would you ask George W. Bush how to pass your final exams? The only advice I would take from Oprah is how to be a hypocrite or a hippopotamus!
To Not Fat –
You know, I’d be able to take you more seriously, if you didn’t try so desperately hard to make your point felt and understood by adding in random, useless curse words. It just makes you seem like an incompetent, prejudice fool, with a severely limited vocabulary.
i agree with not fat. and i agree with his use of these so called ‘curse words’. big fucking deal he said fuck a few fucking times. he got his point across pretty quick. we need to realize that fat isn’t just about looking different or eating different, it’s about being healthy. unhealthy people can’t do work, things with their children, etc. this just makes them lazy and consequently their families/friends lazy. i, myself love mcdonalds and every one loves girl scout cookies, but i’m not about to eat a box of delicious treats and then sit on my ass all day. i’m more likely to ride my bike for 10-20 miles or go streaking for a couple hours. americans (myself 100% included) have a terrible work ethic and are lazy compared to other similar cultures, and look where it got us now.. people sat around for years slacking at their jobs and now that they’re gone, the unemployed can’t believe it and just blame the CEO’s and the gov’t. you need to fix the problem before it becomes a problem. don’t let yourself be lazy, if you buy girl scout cookies in front of walmart, go inside and get yourself some weights too.
Agreed, not that many happy fat people out there. I’m the only one in my immediate family who doesn’t have a weight problem. My mother has sleep apnea and has to sit up in a chair all night with some funky machine. She has a bad knee and has to walk around with a cane. One time she lost about 100 pounds, and the doctors discovered that she had had a hernia hidden underneath all of her fat. And then there’s my other aunt, who has diabetes and had to have eight of her toes amputated because of circulation problems. She uses one of those scooters for fat people to get around. And worst of all, they both have to pay twice as much every time they get on a plane. (A surprising number of the airport staff don’t know about this — it’s always fun explaining that your mother’s other ticket is for her ass as you hurry to catch the plane.) It sucks, but that doesn’t stop her from stopping by Coldstone once a week.
Damn that’s brutal. You down for a completely hetero hug? I think you could use one.
They should get their asses up and run a few miles….. Im tired of hearing this and that about it. They blame everyone but themselves, then demand for other to accommodate them. Its sad that it is turning out like this.