In what has got to piss someone off, the second Google search result for ShamWow is no longer an affiliate of the company. No, it’s a Wikipedia entry about Vince Shlomi aka Vince Offer aka ShamWow guy. What was conspicuously deleted from the entry shortly before publication of this article is why he’s gaining cult status. On February 7th Vince Offer (henceforth referred to as ShamPow) decided to pull a Bonaduce. You may remember Mr. Bonaduce as the adorable kid from The Partridge Family, who was later arrested after beating the ever-loving snot out of a technically male transvestite hooker. You may also wonder why we waited so long to write about this. Well, I am too. This is gold!

ShamPow at least had good sense to check his hooker’s credentials (see lack of cockandballs) before going down on his ShamCow. Actually, that’s kinda mean. The hooker, Sasha Harris, is actually pretty hooker-hot. Not Ashley Alexandre Dupree hooker-hot, but definitely not to be mistaken for a transvestite hooker, like Chris Crocker.

So anyway, ShamPow was just getting down to ShamBusiness when his ShamHooker kissed him and bit his ShamTongue. According to ShamPow, the hooker just ‘bit and wouldn’t let go.’ So he started mercilessly pounding on her face, a pounding that resulted in massive bruising and a plethora of fractures.

Felony Battery was the arresting charge. And to get felony, that’s some serious business. That’s not keeping your pimp-hand strong, that’s almost killing a hooker’s face.