Extremely sexist Wii spoof
March 31, 2009
As guys we know how difficult it is to get our ladies to play video games with us. I’ve heard that the best way to actually get them interested, is by finding something that appeals to them. I think the makers of the Shii have finally figured it out…
Tramp Stamp Tuesday
March 31, 2009
Geeky tattoos on chicks are a thing of beauty.
Have a good tramp stamp pic we should post? Throw it on the forums or drop us an email. Check out last weeks tramp stamp.
Popular Links:
Nature > Octomom – Atom
Pimp buys hoe with McNuggets – Blog of Hilarity
Ballsy guy plays with lions – Double Viking
Man baby – College Humor
WTF is going on here? – YepYep
Babes:
101 Hottest princess Leia’s – Manofest
Jennifer Ellison holy cow – Don Chavez
Tallulah Morton Denmark babe – Camel Tap
Sinidi Bertherton gets wet – Gorilla Mask
Jaycelle Propst pink bra – Next Round
Sugey Abrego Maxim Mexico – On 205th
Heidi Klume, naked – Totally Crap
Phone Sex operator gets trolled hard
March 30, 2009
This guy calls in to one of those phone sex hot lines and tells the woman that he is turned on by bad comedy.
6 ‘Tactical’ Weapons That Are Anything But
March 30, 2009
So the military invests a lot of money into, you guessed it, weapons and fortifications. Over the years, some words have gained ground and popularity amongst the military production types. Once upon a time it was cannon. Then submersible, howitzer, and stealth. Now, it’s tactical. And much like the aforementioned ‘technologies,’ the word is far ahead of it’s time.
\-k(?-)l?\ adverbNow according to Merriam-Webster, the two most viable definitions for tactical are “using or being weapons or forces employed at the battlefront” (which seems silly, since all weapons would then be tactical) or “of or relating to small-scale actions serving a larger purpose.” That last one sounds right. Until you see some of the things they call tactical, like:
The AA12
The AA12 is a tactical automatic shotgun. And yes, that is probably the only time you will ever hear ‘tactical’ and ’shotgun’ in the same sentence. This bastard child of innovation and boys who like to hear “BOOM” has no recoil, and can fire 300 12-gauge rounds in under a minute. The only possible way this sorry excuse for a writer can imagine this weapon would fit that second description would be staring into the abysmal, rotting face of Armageddon. If you are being attacked by wave after wave of dozens of shambling, half-naked mostly-dead zombies, this baby would surely come in handy for ‘tactically’ mowing them bitches down.
A Carpet-Bombing
So don’t hurt me, but this entry isn’t exactly a weapon. It’s more of a use of a group of the same weapon ‘tactically.’ Now Typically, I’d say nothing with explosives can be considered tactical. Then I remember the shaped breaching charges to blow holes through hulls, doors, or grandma’s walker (if your bat-shit crazy, but have a great sense of humor). So yeah, explosives could be considered tactical, depending on what they are, or do. Take the military definition of carpet bomb. To precisely explode the fuck out of everything in site. Really now? That’s the tactical equivalent of running your mother in-law over with a bus, then backing back over her with it for good measure. (Perhaps not a bad idea…)
The Metal Storm
Metal Storm’s website boasts it as the next tactical weapon in America’s arsenal, though it’s not quite there yet. Whether or not it makes it, it IS FUCKING AWESOME. Essentially, each gun barrel up to, and exceeding, 40 millimeters in diameter, has a long stack of bullets in each barrel. Each bullet gets fired using an electrical charge, propelling out the barrel faster than Superman. The best part of this gun? It can fire over a million rounds per minute. To put that into perspective, that’s about the equivalent of 333 miniguns firing simultaneously. As pants-shittingly awesome that is, there’s nothing tactical about the ability to level a forest with a gun. Except, you know, Armageddon.
A tactical Nuke
I’m sorry to say, the military does in fact consider nuclear weapons tactical. But not all of them, no! Just the tactical ones. Like in Nagasaki and Hiroshima. There is nothing at all tactical about blasting the shit out of everything, everywhere, for over a mile. You can even ask that one Japanese girl who got papercuts out the ass when she made like, a hundred thousand origami paper cranes. Why? I don’t know. You probably don’t either. Though I think it’s safe to say it was probably Japans tactical response. Well, it worked! So tactical and clandestine, no one ever knew about it. Though it may have had something to do with the sudden American fondness of strange Japanese tentacle-porn. Well played, Japan. Well played.
The TMD
The Tactical Munitions Dispenser, or TMD, is a fancy word for a clusterbomb. For those of you who don’t know what a cluster bomb is, allow me to explain. Here’s how it works. Either a bomb is dropped out of an airplane, or a missile is launched from a base, boat, submarine, etc. As soon as that missile or bomb reaches a certain height, a small explosive is triggered which rips apart the bomb casing, and disperses up to hundreds of smaller bomblettes indiscriminately over a battle field. Then each of those bomblettes falls to the Earth and explodes, killing anything and everything in the area. This could include civilians, non-combatant foreigners, and friendly forces. After the war, conflict, whatever has ended, any of those bomblettes that didn’t explode can be set off by dogs, children, or any civilians who stumble across them. The reason they are worse than unexploded bombs is because a nation knows exactly how many missiles and bombs it drops, and how many of them explode. However, there is no way to track how many bomblettes do and do not explode, or are released.
The Schrapnellmine
Obviously a German name, the tactical Schrapnellmine, aka the S-mine, was a mine developed and employed by particularly sadistic Germans throughout World War II. Known to allied soldiers as Bouncing Bettys, these were pressure sensitive anti personnel mines designed to kill troops. You know what’s the problem with most landmines? They kill from the feet up. We can’t have that, no, we’re Nazis! Let’s develop a mine that shoots up from the ground, squeals, then explodes sending shrapnel, ball bearings, and explosion at the faces of allied soldiers! The reason these babies aren’t tactical? The number of German soldiers who forgot where they had placed these mines, and then fell victim to them (in a platoon, mind you) is said to be close to a thousand.
I’m John Scrovak – If you want to follow my ramblings on cracked, RM, and STDP7 then feel free to add me on Facebook
Babe of the day (nsfw) – COED Magazine
Video of the day – Funny Hub
Link of the day – Beer Pong Photoshop Contest
Erection in progress
March 30, 2009
This isn’t actually a translation fail. Some people become excited whilst watching animals play. This park is dedicated to just that.
Popular links:
Poor guy gets hit for being a gentlemen – Blog of Hilarity
Phone sex operator gets trolled hard – Afro Jacks
5 greatest rock star deaths – COED Magazine
Megan Fox probably caused a few teen boners @ teen choice – Cuzoogle
Oasis singer gets pushed off stage – Funny Hub
10 greatest South Park characters – Manofest
Shame on you hunters! – Yep Yep
Top 5 hockey wives and GF’s – Meet the Famous
Babes:
Felipa De Castro + bikini – Camel Tap
Maria Mazza gallery – Double Viking
Natasha Q – Gorilla Mask
Weekend Babe Gallery
March 29, 2009
I love Latinas (Inma Cuestsa FHM Spain) – Camel Tap
Beyonce has a new look – Totally Crap
Natalie Salloum has few flaws – Gorilla Mask
Nicola McClean – Next Round
Christina Aguilera, tribute to slut gallery – On 205th
A College Junior’s Daily Routine
March 29, 2009
Sticking to a productive college schedule is a lot like sticking to your “be healthy” new years resolution. For a few weeks we’ll wake up and blast “Eye of the Tiger” while guzzling protein shakes and gearing up for some cardio. But on a Friday in early February we’ll be running late for work and that resolution will get flushed directly down the toilet (when the only breakfast option is an Egg McMuffin).
Let’s take a look at how a Junior in College gradually changes their routine – First semester vs third semester.
First Semester
Third Semester
Like Beer Pong and photoshop? Then join the If Gladiators Played Beer Pong PS Contest
Funny vid of the Day – College Humor
Babe of the day (nsfw) – Gorilla Mask
WTF of the day – Totally Crap
ShamWow Guy Pulls a Bonaduce
March 28, 2009
In what has got to piss someone off, the second Google search result for ShamWow is no longer an affiliate of the company. No, it’s a Wikipedia entry about Vince Shlomi aka Vince Offer aka ShamWow guy. What was conspicuously deleted from the entry shortly before publication of this article is why he’s gaining cult status. On February 7th Vince Offer (henceforth referred to as ShamPow) decided to pull a Bonaduce. You may remember Mr. Bonaduce as the adorable kid from The Partridge Family, who was later arrested after beating the ever-loving snot out of a technically male transvestite hooker. You may also wonder why we waited so long to write about this. Well, I am too. This is gold!
ShamPow at least had good sense to check his hooker’s credentials (see lack of cockandballs) before going down on his ShamCow. Actually, that’s kinda mean. The hooker, Sasha Harris, is actually pretty hooker-hot. Not Ashley Alexandre Dupree hooker-hot, but definitely not to be mistaken for a transvestite hooker, like Chris Crocker.
So anyway, ShamPow was just getting down to ShamBusiness when his ShamHooker kissed him and bit his ShamTongue. According to ShamPow, the hooker just ‘bit and wouldn’t let go.’ So he started mercilessly pounding on her face, a pounding that resulted in massive bruising and a plethora of fractures.
Felony Battery was the arresting charge. And to get felony, that’s some serious business. That’s not keeping your pimp-hand strong, that’s almost killing a hooker’s face.
Frat Boy Tower Defense
March 27, 2009
This is pretty much just like tower defense only you’re trying to save your girl friend from charging frat boys.
TGIF Hottie: Brunette Pool Player
March 27, 2009
Insert <I’ll give her my pool stick any day> jokes. My favorite part is that she realized she sucked at pool around the :02 mark and decided to show us the goods instead.
