March is right around the corner and for many campuses that means Spring Break. For a lot of students the next few weeks will be etched into their memories for the rest of their lives. Don’t believe me? When you’re done reading, take a moment to call your dad and ask him “did you ever do any crazy shit on spring break?” Hopefully you’ve got ‘unlimited talk’ on your calling plan.
So while you’re guzzling alcohol, doing drugs, and having unprotected sex with strangers, do a good deed this year by taking a Freshmen under your wing – Spotting them is pretty easy.
I’m from Zeta Beta Tau (guy talking to guys) – We get hammered like every single night so coming down here is like another day at the office for me, nah mean?
The Truth – Hes never been in a fraternity, nor has he ever pledged. He really wanted to, but taking care of his pet turtle had priorities. You can either call him out by extending your arm to perform the secret hand shake, or just play along like you believe him.
I’m a Junior (guy talking to girls) – Ya one more year in that shit hole and I’m done. Hopefully I’ll regrow some of the brain cells I lost in these last 3 years of getting ripped. I’m sure you ladies know what I’m talkin bout’.
The Truth – As a Freshmen hes been to a total of three parties thus far. All of them took place at TGI Fridays.
I’m studying to be a musician (guy talking to girls) – I’m in like a band so I decided to take some audio courses, which are a total breeze.
The Truth – This is not a complete lie. He is taking an audio course but its for video game soundtracks. Sadly, he doesn’t know that many females find “audio designer” to be a more appealing title than “In a band.”
Not sure what my GPA is (guy talking to girls) – I barley even go to class anymore, but I sold some weed to three of my professors so I should be fine.
The Truth – Hes pulling a 3.9 GPA. It would be a 4.0 but last semester he participated in a Call of Duty tournament during the week. The result was a B- on a test the following morning (he had been up all night, jacked up on Mountain Dew).
I don’t have a boyfriend (girl talking to guys) – I was seeing this guy *hiccup* but not anymore…LETS PARRR *hiccup* TY!
The Truth – Four hours ago she was talking to her boyfriend from the hotel room. The call ended with “Miss you honey bear, can’t wait to see you.” Three gigantic margaritas later she’ll be doing body shots and swapping spit with guys shes never even talked to. While her boyfriend is in his dorm playing Xbox, she’ll be working a joystick of her own.
February 21, 2009
#1
Taking care of a turtle is actually a MUCH less pathetic way to spend college years than joining a fraternity.
February 21, 2009
#2
I like the nerdy guys like you more, but they aren’t very good in bed
February 21, 2009
#3
I think it depends on which college you attend, but the fraternities on my campus are so desperate for recruits that those who join are usually pathetic.
February 21, 2009
#4
I like turtles.
February 21, 2009
#5
So do I.
February 21, 2009
#6
Me too
February 21, 2009
#7
Same here
February 21, 2009
#8
this is meh
February 21, 2009
#9
fail is fail
February 21, 2009
#10
My school doesn’t allow fraternities.
Ha.
February 21, 2009
#11
I disagree – frat guys are convinced they’re gods in bed and aren’t willing to change, whereas nerdy guys are more willing to take advice to please you more. And are more likely to call back the next day.
I’m all for the nerds.
February 21, 2009
#12
ok that is so true
February 21, 2009
#13
As do I
February 21, 2009
#14
I hate turtles and rats.
February 21, 2009
#15
i like fat girls like you, just not when were in public
February 21, 2009
#16
You really think you’ve had enough whore-sex with frat-brahs and nerds to make that claim? Or are you just making generalizations cause its easier for you brain to think in simpler terms?
February 21, 2009
#17
if you claim to be a zbt, a nationally jewish frat, you’re not doing yourself any favors, reputation-wise
February 21, 2009
#18
My wife, girlfriends, and very large (paycheck) respectfully disagree
February 21, 2009
#19
Ha. I’ve known people who have done one of those things on the list.
February 21, 2009
#20
Which one?
February 21, 2009
#21
I’ll prove you wrong.
February 22, 2009
#22
Have you ever been to college? Its funny to rip on things that actually occur, but this is just stupid…. I wish you were a real writer.
February 22, 2009
#23
Community college doesn’t count Thomas. And I’m sure that if someone would waste a wish on someone being a better writer, he probably doesn’t get out much.
February 22, 2009
#24
LOL, great list.
The junior/freshman one is definitely true.
February 26, 2009
#25
ZBT is the biggest nerd fraternity on the face of the planet.
March 7, 2009
#26
Hey I go to ZBT we are not nerds!
Ok maybe we are O_O
March 17, 2009
#27
Turtles arn’t nerdy…
I’ve got a friend who smokes weed with his turtle
March 24, 2009
#28
I go to Syracuse University, and I’m a freshman. I can go to parties every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, but I try to limit it to 1 per weekend. I don’t know if our school is just a really big party school, but freshman party all the time, and the parties are good!
March 27, 2009
#29
for those of us who are members of ZBT that hurts
March 27, 2009
#30
I’d feel more pathetic admitting to being in one of the cookie cutter fraternities: TKE, PKA, KA etc…every ZBT member i’ve ever met from various schools were at least mellow and on the level and for the most part couldn’t care less about their “rep”. The other frats are for the majority how they are portrayed in stereotypes…big guys, popped collars or the “douche necklace”, and are for the most part simply assholes. Hell, i’ve been to a few colleges where ZBT destroyed the other “more popular” frats in both numbers and class.
Oh yeah, and how many times have you heard of ZBT chapters going down due to some…less than tactful hazing activities….*cough* elephant walk *cough*…TKE and PKA…i’m looking in your direction. Nothing more brotherly than watching men grab each others dicks.
March 27, 2009
#31
I guess unlike other frats, ZBT spends their time talking to girls on SB instead of dudes. =O
June 16, 2009
#32
I would never join a fraternity. For ego-tripping mummy’s boys. I agree with the turtle comment above. This list was compiled by a moron.
July 26, 2009
#33
If only you actually looked into fraternities and discovered what they really do for the college community would you realize how much of a dumbass you are for saying that.
November 2, 2009
#34
who writes this lame ass shit?