March is right around the corner and for many campuses that means Spring Break. For a lot of students the next few weeks will be etched into their memories for the rest of their lives. Don’t believe me? When you’re done reading, take a moment to call your dad and ask him “did you ever do any crazy shit on spring break?” Hopefully you’ve got ‘unlimited talk’ on your calling plan.
So while you’re guzzling alcohol, doing drugs, and having unprotected sex with strangers, do a good deed this year by taking a Freshmen under your wing – Spotting them is pretty easy.
I’m from Zeta Beta Tau (guy talking to guys) – We get hammered like every single night so coming down here is like another day at the office for me, nah mean?
The Truth – Hes never been in a fraternity, nor has he ever pledged. He really wanted to, but taking care of his pet turtle had priorities. You can either call him out by extending your arm to perform the secret hand shake, or just play along like you believe him.
I’m a Junior (guy talking to girls) – Ya one more year in that shit hole and I’m done. Hopefully I’ll regrow some of the brain cells I lost in these last 3 years of getting ripped. I’m sure you ladies know what I’m talkin bout’.
The Truth – As a Freshmen hes been to a total of three parties thus far. All of them took place at TGI Fridays.
I’m studying to be a musician (guy talking to girls) – I’m in like a band so I decided to take some audio courses, which are a total breeze.
The Truth – This is not a complete lie. He is taking an audio course but its for video game soundtracks. Sadly, he doesn’t know that many females find “audio designer” to be a more appealing title than “In a band.”
Not sure what my GPA is (guy talking to girls) – I barley even go to class anymore, but I sold some weed to three of my professors so I should be fine.
The Truth – Hes pulling a 3.9 GPA. It would be a 4.0 but last semester he participated in a Call of Duty tournament during the week. The result was a B- on a test the following morning (he had been up all night, jacked up on Mountain Dew).
I don’t have a boyfriend (girl talking to guys) – I was seeing this guy *hiccup* but not anymore…LETS PARRR *hiccup* TY!
The Truth – Four hours ago she was talking to her boyfriend from the hotel room. The call ended with “Miss you honey bear, can’t wait to see you.” Three gigantic margaritas later she’ll be doing body shots and swapping spit with guys shes never even talked to. While her boyfriend is in his dorm playing Xbox, she’ll be working a joystick of her own.