Fuck Sampling (literally)

Today we’re going to jump in our time machine and head back to 1987.  Axl Rose was putting together a little song called “Rocket Queen” and he wanted to add some ‘pornographic noises’.

(Start listening at the 2:50 mark)

It was later stated in the music magazine Classic rock, as well as Rolling Stone, that the person who had been recorded performing sex noises on the song was Adriana Smith, an on-off girlfriend of drummer Steven Adler, who also allegedly had an intimate relationship with frontman Rose.

Slash states that though Von Grief was only eighteen at the time, she had a notorious reputation and was “a queen of the underground scene back then. She’d eventually become a madam, but Axl was infatuated with her at the time.” She was also mentioned in the acknowledgments section on L.A. Guns self-titled album.

Ahh the life of a rock star.  Sure we could sample some scenes from a random porno but why not just have Steve Adler’s ex come in so I can drill her on top of the expensive sound equipment?

Thanks for the random useless fact, why the sudden flash back to 1987?

Thanks for asking!  There was a discussion that I stumbled on called “weirdest places you’ve jerked off in” or something like that.  Naturally, I participated.  I took the discussion with me on a tale from when I was 13.

If you can remember life at 13, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  Wake up, jerk off, go to school, come home, jerk off,  do homework, jerk off, play Nintendo, jerk off, goto bed, jerk off in bed.

At 13 the last thing you want to do is go on a road trip with your entire family.  There will be zero time to jerk off, and at 13 years old, jerking off ranks right up there with eating and sleeping.

So there we were, driving through BFE in a Ford Explorer.  While the rest of my family suffered through my step dad’s piece of shit Garth Brooks mix tape, I decided to spend some alone time in the back where we had the luggage.

I pulled the little sun cover over the luggage and pretended to sleep.  I was far from sleeping though.  I was listening to Rocket Queen as loud as my little Walkman could play it.  As soon as the moaning part ended, I hit rewind and listened again.

It only took 3 or 4 times before I reached full release right into my jeans.  I don’t even remember having to sneak my hand down my pants – yes that song is fucking powerful.

OK thats gross you fired a load into your pants and it went unnoticed?

Basically yes.  The beauty about shooting a wad in your trousers at 13 is that you really haven’t developed the balls to unleash a monster sized Ron Jeremy load yet.  In short, it looks like you took a piss and a few dribbles got on your jeans.  Having piss dribble on your jeans at 13 is like having a shirt covered in ice cream at 5.  While frowned upon, its still pretty common.  Its very different from the wad you leave in your shorts when your friends kidnap you on your 18th birthday, and take you to an all nude strip club.  Side note: Girl with the short hair who worked at the San Diego Dream Girls in 2001, sorry for that, I still dream of you btw.

That still doesn’t answer why you did all of the research

Someone in the thread later stated that I was rubbing one out to the sound of Axl Rose’s voice.  This infuriated me.  I knew for a fact that those noises were female.  Thankfully wikipedia (a very reliable source) cleared everything up, and left my heterosexuality unquestioned.

Man you’re a dirt bag, weren’t you even a little ashamed?

Why?  While the rest of the fam had to endure Burning Bridges while a fat slob hummed along, I was listening to Axl Rose fuck his drummers 18 year old ex girlfriend and happily spunking through my tighty whities, into my jeans.  If anything that deserves bragging rights.  Had you been in my circle of friends you may have even witnessed me say “I had enough batter to go through my Hanes, and into my Levi’s.”