3 Rules For Guys With Lifted Trucks

Yesterday I witnessed something amazing.  Most of you won’t believe me, but its true.  I was outside in a residential neighborhood when I began to hear the growl of a big engine and the thumping of sub woofers.  A few moments later a gigantic lifted Chevy passes by.  So what was the song that he had all cranked up?  Probably like Godsmack or something right?  Wrong, it was this.

Having ADD means I would forget about this within a few minutes so I quickly texted the words “princess truck” to myself.  Just now I opened my phone and it all came spilling back.  Another thing that sucks about having ADD is that you can’t stay focused on just one thi…oh sweet I just found a dollar in my shorts!

Getting right to the point, we feel that its time to develop some rules for guys who drive these lifted trucks.

1) Center Console – What items are acceptable to have on or inside the center console of a lifted truck?

Acceptable:

• Spittoons
• Mountain Dew in a Big Gulp
• Shot gun shells
• Leatherman tool

Not acceptable:

• Hair spray
• Diet Freska (unless the container is being used as a spittoon)
• Drakkar Noir Eau de Toilette Spray
• Hand sanitizer

2) Mirror Area – What should be seen on or around the rear view mirror?

Acceptable:

• Radar detector
• Dog tags
• Ex-girlfriends panties (only when pulled up next to her at a red light)

Not Acceptable:

• Prism
• Dream catcher
• Any type of mirror cover with a theme

3) Music Selection – What type of music should be coming from within the cab of a huge truck?

Acceptable:

• Motley Crew
• Metallica
• Any song from the Chronic album

Not Acceptable:

• Fergie
• Jonas Brothers
• Kelly Clarkson

I also have a few issues with those fake testicles that dangle from bumpers, but we’ll save that analysis for another day.

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