Yesterday I witnessed something amazing. Most of you won’t believe me, but its true. I was outside in a residential neighborhood when I began to hear the growl of a big engine and the thumping of sub woofers. A few moments later a gigantic lifted Chevy passes by. So what was the song that he had all cranked up? Probably like Godsmack or something right? Wrong, it was this.
Having ADD means I would forget about this within a few minutes so I quickly texted the words “princess truck” to myself. Just now I opened my phone and it all came spilling back. Another thing that sucks about having ADD is that you can’t stay focused on just one thi…oh sweet I just found a dollar in my shorts!
Getting right to the point, we feel that its time to develop some rules for guys who drive these lifted trucks.
1) Center Console – What items are acceptable to have on or inside the center console of a lifted truck?
Acceptable:
- Spittoons
- Mountain Dew in a Big Gulp
- Shot gun shells
- Leatherman tool
Not acceptable:
- Hair spray
- Diet Freska (unless the container is being used as a spittoon)
- Drakkar Noir Eau de Toilette Spray
- Hand sanitizer
2) Mirror Area – What should be seen on or around the rear view mirror?
Acceptable:
- Radar detector
- Dog tags
- Ex-girlfriends panties (only when pulled up next to her at a red light)
Not Acceptable:
- Prism
- Dream catcher
- Any type of mirror cover with a theme
3) Music Selection – What type of music should be coming from within the cab of a huge truck?
Acceptable:
- Motley Crew
- Metallica
- Any song from the Chronic album
Not Acceptable:
- Fergie
- Jonas Brothers
- Kelly Clarkson
I also have a few issues with those fake testicles that dangle from bumpers, but we’ll save that analysis for another day.
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February 15, 2010
#1
Driving (most likely the suspect truck that inspired the article, but I can’t tell since the link to the song won’t work) a big, lifted truck, I have to disagree on a few points…You forgot a big-assed MagLite and CD’s/iPod/Zune in the console; Nightmare Before Christmas fuzzy dice; and (totally agree with the Crue) Metallica fuckin’ blows. Don’t know what the Chronic thing is.
So I dress like a rich guy, drive a redneck vehicle, and am an unabashed metalhead.
June 6, 2010
#2
you left out two very important details re: driving: firstly, he musn’t ever take a turn or even a zig-zag quickly or he will flip and look stupid; however if he must flip and fail, he must remember the following: when men and women fuck up driving on the road or off of it, the result is the same, but when a man does it, its because his last words were “HEY! WATCH THIS!” wheras a woman does it out of confusion or oblivion. So if a man with a lifted truck does flip his rig, it MUST be because his intention was to impress.
October 12, 2010
#3
You forgot country music…thats ALWAYS acceptable in a pickup truck.