We’ve all been in this sticky (or should I say hairy) situation at least once. Dinner was great, drinks were a blast, but as you and hairy Mary make that drive home, you begin to feel a knot in your stomach. It won’t be because of the game you want to watch, the Xbox you want to play, or the dirty underwear in your apartment. You know whats coming (she’s had a few drinks which means foreplay), and its about to hit you like a Sasquatch upper cut.
Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Shave Her Beaver: An Instructional Guide To Happiness
Making suggestions about a females appearance, no matter where the area, is bound to stir up a shit storm that will make Katrina look like a small drizzle. Sensitive, subtle, and understanding should be your first priority.
The Subtle: I’ve Got Something in My Teeth
Once you’ve gone through another excruciating foreplay session with what might as well been a brush you picked up off the floor of Super Cuts, drop this quick one liner: “Hold on sweety, I’ve got something in my teeth – let me rinse real quick before we kiss”. Doing this after every single foreplay session will get a light bulb to go on eventually. You’ll need to stick with it.
The Example: Shave Your Balls
Sometimes you need to lead by example. Shaving the grapes wasn’t on your priority list, but neither was coughing up a fur ball after an intimate night with your lady. Once completed you need to point out that you did this for her. “Ya honey, I had some shrubbery going on and I decided to shave it so it wouldn’t get all up in your grill”. Unless she is a cave woman, following suit will be the first thing on her agenda.
The Bold: Place a Razer in her Stocking
This can lead to hurt feelings, but assuming the above hasn’t worked – placing a razor in her stocking this year, should do the trick. “Look babe, it even has a flexible head to get those hard to reach areas /wink”. Worst case scenario, she throws the razor in your face. At least you won’t have to use your manly shaver on your balls anymore.
Last Ditch: Shave your Fucking Beaver Please
So its been two weeks of mouth rinsing, shaving your own balls, and looking at an unopened pink razor in your bathroom. Sometimes tough love is the only way to go. Remember: you’re doing it for the relationship. Here are a few last ditch efforts that will most definitely hurt feelings (she’ll be thankful in the long run).
“Can’t go down on you tonight sugar tits, I never liked Harry and the Hendersons.”
“220 B.C. called, they want their look back.”
“I feel like Bear Grylls in last nights Man Vs Wild episode!”